I’m now at the halfway point of the second season of The Walking Dead. They’re still at that dude’s farm, there’s a barn full of walkers, Rick’s wife is preggers, Shane’s still kind of a hot head nunchuck and Glenn found true love. The little girl is still missing. The dude who rocks the cross bow is laid up for the time being. The blond lady shot him. It was an accident. There has been a lot of talking. Like, a lot of talking. As in, more talking than zombie killing.

I’d give this season a B- so far.

After watching the very first episode of The Walking Dead, I had some questions. By the end of the first season, those questions had been answered. Mostly. I now have some new questions.

My first question: Was Matthew Fox not available to play Rick Grimes?

I started thinking about this a couple of episodes ago, right around the time I started to sense similarities between The Walking Dead and Lost. You know, survivors, weird circumstances, constant adventures. Rick Grimes is this group of survivors’ Jack. He is. But he’s not totally because he’s not played by Matthew Fox, who should be playing Rick. Not this other dude, whatever his name is. He’s okay. But he’s playing Jack. Matthew Fox is Jack. Matthew Fox should be Rick Grimes. This doesn’t seem to complicated to me.

I still feel this way about Boardwalk Empire. Nucky Thompson is that show’s Tony Soprano, so therefore, he should be played by James Gandolfini. He’s not, though. Even the dude Nucky is based off of looks a lot like Gandolfini. If only a few more years had passed before HBO decided to Boardwalk, things might have been different. One of the reasons Boardwalk went with Steve Buscemi was because he was so not James Gandolfini. They didn’t want another Tony Soprano. They didn’t want Boardwalk to be seen as a Sopranos reboot.

The Walking Dead folks were probably in a similar situation. Maybe.

But come on, really, did Matthew Fox even audition for this? Was he even considered?

He should have been. He should be Rick Grimes. He has the stubble for it.

My second question: What are half of the characters’ names?

This could be my fault, although I’m usually pretty good when it comes to remembering characters’ names. But I don’t think I could tell you more than three or four characters’ names from The Walking Dead. There’s Rick and there’s Shane. They’re adorable together. Glenn is Asian. Dale is old and has old man crazy eyes. Someone’s name is Darryl. They are currently staying on Herschel’s farm and Herschel talks slow and is miracle-making vet. Carl is Rick’s son. Sophia is missing. Other than that, I got nothing. You’d think I’d know more names by now, especially given how slow the second season has been. There’s been a lot of scenes comprised of two characters having heavy discussions. More than enough opportunities to drop a name or two.

Is the black dude named T Bone? I like him. I wish he did more.

My third question: Is Rick’s wife hot?

Is she? I know she’s pregnant. I know she hooked up with Shane because she thought Rick was dead. And there was a zombie apocalypse. And Dale wasn’t option. I just don’t know if she’s hot, though. I feel like she is because she’s the female lead and female leads on shows like The Walking Dead are usually pretty hot (see Lost and Lily, Evangeline.) I know the farm girl Glenn is hooking up with is a cutie, but I just don’t know how I feel about Rick’s wife.

And what the hell is her name again?

My fourth question: Doesn’t target practice seem like a waste of bullets?

In episode 6, “Secrets,” Shane and Rick are teaching some of the survivors, as well as a few members of Herschel’s Harem, how to shoot. This is something I fine with. In a zombie apocalypse, it seems like a good skill to have. But you know what I’m not cool with? Wasting bullets. Wasting anything really. You know, because it’s a zombie apocalypse and everything is in short supply. Rick can’t even find razors to shave with!

While I respect Shane and Rick’s desire to train people in gun safety, the whole shooting range thing seems like a huge waste of bullets. What are they going to do next? Have a cooking class? How about a defensive driving class?

You know who has the right idea? Cross bow guy. I think he’s used two arrows the whole time. Why only two? Because homeboy reuses them. Last I checked, you can’t reuse bullets. Chalk one up for cross bow guy.

So actually I can answer this question. The answer is yes, target practice does seem like a waste of bullets.

Moving forward, reliable sources have told me that season two picks up and finishes strong. I also know what happens to Shane because someone told me. But that’s fine. I’m not much a Shane fan anyway. Although once what happens to him happens to him, that will be one less character’s name I know.

That’ll be a bummer.

Oh and side note, I thought two things were really interesting. The first was seeing zombies with FEMA jackets on and seeing zombies that were soldiers. The second thing was seeing a few zombies in church.

I thought those two things were interesting and subtle hints at something bigger. Tip of the hat to the producers on those two fronts.

Photos: AMC

Categories: Television

Tags: amc, boardwalk empire, cross bow guy, hershel's harem, james gandolfini, lost, nucky thompson, rick grimes, rick's wife, shane, the walking dead, tony soprano, tv, where's matthew fox?