The Houses of ‘Big Little Lies’ Ranked

By Ryan O'Connell on 03/30/2017 • ( 2 )

There is a lot to like about Big Little Lies, the limited series on HBO that wraps up on Sunday. There’s drama, jealousy, snappy comebacks and a killer soundtrack courtesy of a six year old’s iPod. Yet what also makes the show so enjoyable to watch is the scenery. Set in lovely Monterey, California, the show is dripping in breath-taking landscapes and settings.

I mean come on, just look at the coffee shop.

That’s not a place where you sit and get coffee. Everyone knows this is a place to sit and get coffee.

And please, no one goes for a run here.

They run here.

But that escapism is part of what has made Big Little Lies such a must-watch experience. It’s like a mature version of Entourage and is HBO’s latest foray into lifestyle porn. Instead of sports cars, pool parties and night clubs, there are wine glasses, fire pits and views that make you look out with the kind of longing, wistful glance specifically reserved for either staring out out at the ocean or watching the trash truck finally take that shitty couch away that has been sitting out in front of your neighbor’s house for the past couple months.

It almost makes you wonder how there could be so much drama in a day when it starts off like this:

Our girl Reese looks so content and happy. Who could ever imagine somehow someone gets…wait for it…murdered?

Gasp!

But murder aside, let’s get back to the wondrous joy of indulging in some good ol’ fashion lifestyle porn. There are some amazing houses on Big Little Lies and if you haven’t been trying to pick a favorite over the show’s six episodes, then shame on you. It’s been a hot topic of conversation between my wife and I. Everyone has their favorite. So let’s settle this the old fashion way – via power rankings.

5. Jane’s House

No offense to Jane, but girl your house just kind of pales in comparison with the others on the show. Although to be fair, for someone like me and maybe yourself, it also might be the most attainable. And really, it’s not like it’s a bad house – a nice little cottage, looks to be within running distance of the ocean if running and/or the ocean are things you interested in. The doors also lock, so that’s also a bonus. Jane’s “postwar bungalow,” which is actually located in Pasadena, California will only run you a cool $500,000.

$500,000!

Bungalow? More like bunga-higher price than you thought, am I right?

4. Renata’s House

See, it’s not like Renata’s house is hot garbage or anything, it’s just that in the opinion of yours truly, it’s not as cool as the others that top it on the list. And I actually like what we’ve seen of Renata’s place. I dig lots of light. From what I can tell, the main hub activity in the Klein’s house is akin to living in a green house; something I wouldn’t necessarily be opposed too. They also have a pretty delightful outside area that I could definitely get used to.

Look how relaxed they look. I know, wonderful. They look especially relaxed considering that sleep on a bed of lies. First, they’re lying to their daughter on a daily basis by trying to convince her that Amabella is a real name. And second, that house is actually located in Malibu. Malibu, as in not Monterey. Disgusting. If TV shows start lying to me I’m not sure what I’ll do with my life.

3. Bonnie & Nathaniel’s House

Dude, it’s a tree house. It looks like it is literally one with nature. I don’t know where nature and the outside world ends and the house begins. Amazing. I mean, this is another house that’s not actually in Monterey, but at this point who is even counting anymore?

2. Madeline & Ed’s House

Now before you start feeling all sorry for Madeline, who from the jump has lamented the fact that she’s not as well-off as some of the other mom’s at school, keep this fact in mind: her house is actually the most expensive one. Yeah, for real. The house, actually located in Malibu, which is again, not Monterey, is valued at almost $15 million dollars. You probably thought Renata’s was the most expensive and I can’t blame you, so did I. The Klein’s house comes in at measly $12.4 million dollars. Ha. Looks like Madeline gets you there Renata.

We haven’t seen a whole lot of Madeline and Ed’s house, but what we have seen looks pretty great, specifically the kitchen area.

I mean, it’s not a traditional family eating situation but hey, it’s Cali brah. They shun tradition; play by their own rules. And you know what, I can get down with that, especially when that non-traditional family eating situation has a view like theirs does.

These people are spoiled.

1. Celeste & Perry’s House of Horrors

Guess what? The Wright’s house is actually in Monterey. Yeah, no joke. Located on the Monterey Peninsula and valued at a mere $6 million, I think we can all agree that domestic issues aside, this house has the best vibe. Come on, look at this wonderful outside dining area and tell me you wouldn’t want to down a couple of bottles of wine while eating branzino and laughing about old Grateful Dead concerts, which are all things I just kind of expect to happen in this house in real life.

I hate to shatter dreams though, but that gigantic closet of theirs? Yeah, fake.

See? Hollywood, out there lying again.

Photos: HBO