Making Some Assumptions About Hozier

20 assumptions about music’s new mystery man, Hozier

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hosierHozier- he’s this year’s Lorde!

That seems like a stretch.

Does it, though?

One name, great voice, hails from a mystical land. Sounds like a pretty good comparison to me. And furthermore, look at where our blossoming relationship with Hozier is at this point compared to where we were at with Lorde at this point. We didn’t know much about her besides her age and that she was from New Zealand. Beyond that, we were left to making baseless assumptions, of which I made twenty. Those assumptions were based on Lorde’s first appearance- her first televised appearance here in the states, on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. Similarly, this weekend saw Hozier make his television debut (I’m guessing) with his appearance on Saturday Night Live, where he performed two songs from his debut album, Hozier.

Not an assumption: Hozier is a really good album. 70% is very good, the remaining 30% is hit or miss or at the very least, good depending on what kind of mood you’re in.

But here are some assumptions about Hozier, specifically twenty of them.

1. He drinks his coffee black. He doesn’t trust milk. But nooooo, not because it’s white. Because cows sketch him out. Shifty eyes. Hozier hates shifty eyes.
2. He’s never seen The Gilmore Girls…or so he says.
3. His first instrument he learned to play was the clarinet.
4. He frequently forgets to bring a hair tie with him and it drives him nuts.
5. His celebrity crush is Sofia Vergara…but he doesn’t much care for Modern Family. Too much yelling.
6. He was not surprised by the twist in Gone Girl.
7. Donut or muffin? Hozier always goes muffin.
8. Yeah, he owns running sneakers. Adidas. Truth be told though, he’s not much for jogging.
9. Controversial opinion held by Hozier: he believes the best U2 album is Pop.
10. He once ate two whole pizzas himself.
11. He once vomited up two whole pizzas himself.
12. They were pepperoni.
13. He loves a good police procedural television show. Like Bones. Hozier will talk for hours about Bones.
14. He gets described as “a tall drink of water” twice a day and relishes it each time.
15. He calls it soccer.
16. He does not understand what a pineapple is and he’s been told like so many times by his band mates.
17. The only books he owns are hard covers because he thinks paperbacks denote weakness. Hozier hates weakness. And puddles. He hates puddles too.
18. He only recently found out that Elton John is gay. Called it a “complete shock.”
19. His bucket list contains going to Thailand, riding an elephant and learning how to distill whiskey.
20. His diary is way more sensi-sensi than you’d think and uses up a good deal of space talking about a girl who dumped him in middle school. God, get over it Hozier!

Again, not an assumption, Hozier’s album is really good and sounds different in the way Mumford & Sons sounded different when they first came out. It’s sparse, but muscular when it needs to be and has some good grooves on it- which, kind of a surprise. Definitely worth a listen or two.

 

 

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