Drinking Buddies: Downton Abbey

By Ryan O'Connell on 05/22/2013 • ( 4 )

We call them our English stories- Downton Abbey.

Once we finished Friday Night Lights and were then not totally sold on House of Cards, here in our quiet, little beachfront community, my darling wife and I decided to give ol’ Downton a try. We’re incredibly glad we did. Incredibly. You could even say we are delighted.

I’m not going to get into any recaps or even bothering to start into everything that has gone on in the show up until the point we are currently at- three episodes into season three. I’ll just say it’s a massively entertaining show- pure lifestyle porn. It’s brilliantly written with great characters and great stories…great English stories, meaning there’s drama involving titles, servants, stuff I don’t understand and more.

It’s effin’ addicting.

It’s also hard to really nail down a favorite character. There are so many to choose from! Mr. Bates. Lady Sybil. The Dowager Countess. Mr. Carson. It’s impossible. I think the only thing easy to do involving characters is clearly pinpoint Thomas as my least favorite. That son of a biscuit. Always up to no good. Always.

So let’s do something different.

Let’s say you were in a pub in England, sitting down at the bar for a pint. For your drinking buddy, your partner in crime, you can only choose one character from Downton Abbey. It can be anyone. Alive, dead, being a secretary. Anyone. Who would you chose?

Here’s my list…

Giddy Up America’s List of Top Downton Abbey Drinking Buddies*

This list has been updated since I finished season three and has been updated to reflect the changes in my feelings about the characters. Their previous rank has been noted if there has been any change. I’ve also added Alfred Nugent and Lady Rose to the list.

1. Mrs. Patmore – I love me some Mrs. Patmore! She’s loud, funny, tells it like it is. The idea for this list came from the thought that Mrs. Patmore would be fun to do some drinking with. It wouldn’t just be fun. It’d be a blast.
2. Tom Branson – Yup. The spunky Irishman. Little bit of wild card, though. So you’d have to keep an eye on him, make sure he doesn’t get you involved in a fight or casual revolution. But who doesn’t love a good Wildcard Drunk?
3. Lady Sybil– No brainer. Sybil rocks. You’d probably end up doing shots and smoking a doob down on a dock somewhere. You know how those free spirits are.
4. The Dowager Countess of Grantham – Hey yo, little drunken shit talk. That’s always a good time.
5. Mr. Bates (previously #13)– Mr. Bates would be higher if A) he wasn’t such a buzz kill all the time and B) ~~wasn’t maybe possibly a murderer~~. Seeing as he’s not a murderer and a good dude, I bumped him up.
6. Martha Levinson (previously #5)– Hey yo, a little American drunken shit talk. Even better.
7. Lady Mary Crawley (previously #6)– This might be a little bit of a surprise, but I think Mary would be fun with a few drinks in her. She’d let her guard down and she’d probably be pretty funny. I could see her tending bar with a few drinks in her and singing along to Bon Jovi and/or Journey.
8. Mrs. Hughes (previously #16) – Like Mr. Carson, she’s a woman who probably has some great stories. A few glasses of wine and the flood gates would come bursting open. Mrs. Hughes was the MVP of season three, hands down.
9. Alfred Nugent (previously unranked) – Alfred was unranked originally because I had him confused with Jimmy. But he’s a much better dude than Jimmy and ended up being one of the more likeable characters on the show. I think he’d be a good chap to drink with.
10. Cora Crawley (previously #9) – Cora seems like the kind of drunk who ends up laughing a lot. Who doesn’t like to feel hilarious when they’re drunk?
11. Matthew Crawley (previously #7) – Homeboy earned major cool points for how he accepted Tom. Save the dramatics Matthew and it could be fun. Yeah, Matthew is kind of boring and well…no…I won’t even get into what happened at the end of season three. I’ll just say that the farther away I get from it, the better I feel.
12. Anna ~~Smith~~ Bates (previously #10) – Anna would be a wise ass drunk and I love wise ass drunks. Anna is very quiet and proper all the time. Text book wise ass drunk. Double date with the Bates? Yes please.
13. Mr. Carson (previously #8)– I bet Mr. Carson has some great stories to tell. In fact, I know that dude does. I also bet he’s kind of wet blanket and would most likely be a pain when trying to pick which bar to go to.)
14. Lady Edith (previously #15) – In an effort to fit in, she’d be game for anything. Name a shot and I bet she’d do it. And like her dad, I bet she’d foot the bill. I’m more of an Edith fan now than I was. Not 100% on board. She’s no Sybil. But then again, who is?
15. Robert Crawley (previously #11)– You could get him doing Statue of Liberty shots and all kinds of fun stuff. And the best part? He’d totally pay.
16. Lady Rose (previously unranked) – I like some drunken dancing and she seems like the only one of the bunch who’d be down for this…drunk or sober. Be careful, though. She’d also be the only one likely to punch a cop or slap a bartender.
17. Daisy Mason (previously #14) – Daisy would be fun, but she’d ~~totally~~ definitely pass out at the bar in the middle of a conversation.
18. Isobel Crawley (previously #12)– old Crazy eyes? She’d say all kinds of crazy shit with a few drinks in her. And it would be hilarious.
19. Gwen Dawson (previously #17)– I just want to know how you go from Maid to Secretary to a member of Mance Rayder’s Army of the North. Seems like a weird career path.
20. Joseph Moseley – Be careful. I could see him pissing himself. Hell of a dancer, though.
21. William Mason (previously #19)– Gullable, polite. Sure, why not.
22. Thomas Barrow – Uh…I don’t think we’d hang out at the same bars. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
23. Mrs. O’Brien (previously #21)– some nasty drunk shit talk and she’d probably spit in your glass while you weren’t looking. No thank you.
24. Jimmy Kent – William’s replacement. I could see him getting in a fight too. Not for political reasons, though. Probably because he said something stupid. Liability Wildcard Drunk- dangerous, but fun until dangerous. I had him confused with Alfred and to Alfred I apologize. I’m not a Jimmy fan. Not in the least. Wish he’d been fired with Edna.