The third season of Game of Thrones ended last night. The season finale was good, albeit a little bit of a buzz kill after last week’s emotionally gut-wrenching “The Rains of Castamere.” But that’s just how these show runners do things now. It’s certainly not a new trick. The Wire always loaded up the second to last episode. Boardwalk Empire does as well. Most shows do. They use the second to last episode (or penultimate episode- penultimate being one of the most used words on the Internet last week) to essentially wrap up the current season and then leave the season finale for table-setting for the next season. It’s flawed in the short term, but I think it pays off long term.
Look at it like cuddling- specifically cuddling after some intimate time with your significant other. The main action has happened and one way or another, things have changed. So then there is the cuddling, the quiet time, time to reflect and time to look forward. Babble on about a dream you had or a secret plan you’ve been working on for a while. With television shows nowadays, the second to last episode is the sexy time, the last episode is the cuddling time.
With this being the last installment of Giddy Up America’s Game of Thrones‘ Plot Line Power Rankings, I thought I would do a final ranking for the season.
And if you missed it, I made a playlist specifically for those going through Game of Thrones withdrawal. You can check it out HERE.
Giddy Up America’s Game of Thrones’ Plot Lines Power Rankings: Season 3 Rankings
1. Daenerys & Her Dragons
I go back and forth between thinking Game of Thrones is all about either the White Walkers and how Westeros was forced to put aside their differences to do battle with those frosty sons of bitches or about the story of Daenerys, from bargain chip in her brother’s quest for an army to dragon-wielding queen. I can’t decide. Last night’s episode didn’t make it any easier.
But let’s look at Danys’ third season. She started out on a boat, cruising the high seas with her main man Jorah and her three cute little dragons in tow. She then proceeds to sack a couple cities, burn a dude who was a major douche, get herself an army, become besties with a surfer bro and ends the season getting the Christ treatment by a few thousand of her closest friends, who happen to be former slaves she freed. There was a second last night, as Danys walked into the mass of former slaves outside of Yunkai, when I thought someone might take a shot at her. But reason prevailed and that thought quickly passed. As opposed to the late Robb Stark, whose story had kind of popped and fizzled, Daenerys is still on the up swing.
Just think, if she ever makes it to Westeros, things could get really interesting.
Of course the key word with that statement is ever because if there’s a knock against Danys it is that she isn’t the fastest conquering hero out there. What did she travel like 100 miles this season? If that much. Look at the map below. Danys is way over by the Red Waste, which is at the bottom right corner of the map. I’m no Buster Bluth when it comes to cartography, but it certainly looks like she has a ways to go before she gets to Westeros.
Prediction: Danys finally gets on a boat headed west, arriving just in time for the Us against Throwndown- Westeros versus the White Walkers. When that happens, she’ll be a hotter commodity than Yasiel Puig.
As King’s Landing Turns Keeping Up With the Lannisters (now including Jamie & Brienne)
My main takeaway from last night: Lannister drama is about to be an after thought on Game of Thrones. Their petty squabbles won’t mean diddley once White Walkers start scaling the wall and Team Danys hits the beaches of Westeros. Are there beaches in Westeros? You’d think there would be. At least one. The Tyrells look like beach-goers.
In terms of development over the season, I think the biggest difference from then and now is that A) Tywin truly is the cats pajamas in the family and as a result, Westeros and B) Tyrion has regained some of his swagger he was missing at the beginning of the season. Both of those things have essentially minimized the damage psycho Joffrey is able to do, as both developments keep that young whipper snapper in check. For now at least.
Let us take a moment for Sansa. Poor, poor Sansa. The hits just keep coming for her. As if Tyrion wasn’t facing an uphill battle (literally) before in regards to consummating their marriage, the fact that his family killed more members of her family is probably going to make it an even more daunting task.
As for Jamie, I really developed a fondness for him over the course of the season, but didn’t really care all that much when he was reunited with Cersei. I suppose I just felt he was more interesting away from King’s Landing. It’ll be interesting to see what role he plays next season. It will also will be entertaining to see how jealous Cersei gets of Brienne- you know with all of her and Jamie’s inside jokes from all their time spent on the road. There is nothing worse than being on the outside of an inside joke. Nothing.
Just don’t tell Jamie that. He could probably argue that there is at least one thing worse than that.
Prediction: Get ready for some good ol’ fashioned Joffrey douche-baggery next season. It’s going to be in full force, especially once he fully realizes that his grand pappy is really in charge.
3. Jon Snow’s Adventures Beyond the Wall (and Back and Reuniting with Sam)
Jon Snow finally knows one thing- that he loves Ygritte and she loves him. Unfortunately he doesn’t know that she’s not going to handle the break up well. And by “not handle the break up well” I mean coldly assault him with arrows. Is the last we’ve seen of Ygritte? Will she go back to Downton Abbey or maybe finally become a secretary? I hope she comes back. I’m a big fan of that fiery red head.
I also became more of a fan of Jon Snow this season, although I still think the dude is kind of an idiot. But hey, he’s our idiot and that means something. Plus he’s on the front lines of this whole White Walker thing. He’s going to be a power player soon, I can feel it. And he’s reunited with Sam! Those two are adorable together. I hope Gilly is cool with bro time.
Prediction: Jon is interrupted while writing poems about Ygritte and asked to lead the charge against the White Walkers, eventually teaming up with Stannis, who despite all the ravens flying around, warning Westeros about the White Walkers, is the only one to take the ravens seriously.
4. A Stark in the Woods- Part One: Arya
Arya Stark, Killer for Hire. Will do revenge killings, mercy killings, friendly killings or just killing killings. Reasonable rates, quality service. Just send a raven, will respond in one to two weeks. Requires 50% deposit up front, rest due within a week of the killing.
Prediction: Arya and the Hound’s secret handshake will be bad ass.
5. Stannis “The B Stand for Plan B” Baratheon
This is about the White Walkers! Partially. Maybe totally. Either way, Stannis is hip to this now and rightfully shifting his focus from the Kardashians making a mess in King’s Landing to the slow moving horde of ice bastards making their way south. And let’s be honest, we’re all a little relieved Gendry didn’t get thrown into a fire or whatever kind of crazy plan Melissandre had for him. And why? Because we all like Gendry. He’s a cool dude. Nice, funny sometimes, has a good perspective on things. I’m not sure if he’s rowing away for good, never to be seen from again or is someone we should be keeping an eye on because he’ll be important down the road (you know, like Rickon Stark.)
Oh and Davos, you’re awesome. You really are. But clock’s ticking for you, bub. Look at Ned Stark if you want to see what lies ahead for Davos. Good dudes trying to do the good and honest thing don’t last long in Westeros.
Prediction: Davos is killed halfway through next season while Stannis leads an army north. Oh and Melissandre will get naked a couple more times. Good talk, see you out there.
The King of the North’s Honeymoon Good Times in Robb Stark’s Tent R.I.P. Robb Stark
No one ever gives out a Least Improved or Least Valuable Award. It’s always Most Improved or Most Valuable.
Well, not here.
Winner of the Least Improved Character in season three of Game of Thrones: Robb Stark
Sorry, Robb. But even you have to admit that you kind of sucked this season. 95% of your scenes took place in a tent, looking at a map and playing with models. The other 5% took place in a castle, talking about how you played with models. Real men date models, they don’t play with them.
A Stark in the Woods- Part Two Bran’s Magical Mystery Tour
I have to.
Because I have to.
That really doesn’t answer my question.
Just tell me why you’re going…or sorry…have to go north of the wall?
Because I have to.
Okay, you said that already and I told you it doesn’t really answer my question. You know there’s White Walkers up there and they’ll totally kill. And not out of frustration either, because you keep answering every question with the same bullshit. They’ll just kill you.
Well I don’t want to go. I have to.
Yeah, okay. Whatever. Take some effin’ dragon glass and the Bobbsy Twins and get the hell out of here.
8. So…who’s torturing Theon?
Again, still Roose Bolton. Or more specifically, his sadistic bastard. Why? Well Bolton’s psycho spawn captured Theon and his boys after they ditched the burning Winterfell. He then killed Theon’s crew and then tied Theon to the large, wooden X that our favorite horn dog has been tied to all season. I’m guessing it was all part of Bolton’s plan to take over the north. If all along he was angling to become Warden of the North, then it makes sense for him to get a jump on the peace keeping and use Theon as a tool to get the rest of the Iron Island punks out of the north.
One problem, though.
Theon’s dad, Scuzzy Shithead Greyjoy, he’s number 1- the number 1 worst dad in Westeros. He makes ol’ Tywin Letterbomb look like father of the year. Luckily for Theon his sister isn’t a total prick like their dad and is setting off to rescue him and at the request of EVERYONE, get him off that effin’ X. Please. And soon.
Prediction: More like wishful thinking but, Theon is freed and forms the most feared wresting tag team this side of the Mega Powers with Varys called the Missing Pieces.
Most Valuable Player: Daenerys
Most Improved: Jamie Lannister
Rookie of the Year: Roose Bolton
Manager of the Year: Tywin Lannister
Sixth Man of the Year: Arya