Game of Thrones’ Plot Line Power Rankings: Week Eight

Ranking the numerous plot lines in season three of Game of Thrones

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game-of-thrones-season-3-rattleshirtWhat a turn of events.

What a twist.

What a complete shock.

Will Champion, drummer for Coldplay, doing a cameo in this week’s episode of Game of Thrones, “The Rains of Castamere.” Of all the members of Coldplay, you’d expect front man Chris Martin to be the one to show up somewhere in Westeros. Certainly not the drummer. It’s true, Game of Thrones is full of surprises.

I guess it makes sense, though. What else are you supposed to do with your time if you’re a barely average drummer for a band that is in year one of a self-imposed hiatus? It’s not as if people are lining up for your solo album. Shit, it’s not as if people even want you to do a solo album. So take the work where you can get it. And if that work is playing in the band at the second painfully uncomfortable wedding in as many weeks on a massively popular television sh0w, then so be it.

And yes, the wedding, or The Red Wedding as Twitter told me it’s referred to in the books.

On one hand, it did appear to be an open bar. But on the other hand, it did signal the end of the Starks participation in the battle for the Iron Throne. Once again, the second to last episode of the season ends up being a doozy. In season one, Ned lost his head and in season two, it was the battle of Blackwater. This season and this episode didn’t disappoint. And even better, it raises a lot of questions about the futures of those who survived a gut-wrenchingly bloody episode- specifically the surviving Stark children.

And those poor Starks. Has there ever been a family on television (or movies for that matter) that have been through more tragedy and horrific turns of events? Just look at the numbers since the show started:

4 – Dead family members (Ned, Catelyn, Robb, Talisa)
1 – Paralyzed family member (Bran)
1 – Imprisoned family member (Sansa)
2 – Family members becoming hobos (Arya, Rickon)
1 – Burned down house

The Bluths, the Crawleys, even the Von Trapps. Their misfortunes pale in comparison to the Stark family.

But look on the bright side, Starks. At least you top this week’s power rankings.

Giddy Up America’s Game of Thrones’ Plot Lines Power Rankings: Week 8

1. The King of the North’s Honeymoon Good Times in Robb Stark’s Tent

See, hindsight makes a person smart. Using hindsight, it’s almost obvious to see what was going to happen to the Starks as they hung out in the Twins with the show’s second creepiest old dude, Walder Frey (old man Castor up in the North still holds the title.) Robb was foolish and naive to trust Fray and to let his guard down so easily. You’re at war, homeboy! Specifically you’re at war with Tywin Lannister. Gotta have your head on swivel, Robb. Bush league.

But without hindsight and not having read the books, the Red Wedding was heart-breaking, heart-wrenching and heart-pounding. It was Shakespearean.

Are we really going to miss Robb and Catelyn, though? Maybe you liked the characters, but you had to be frustrated with their roles on the show, especially this season. Last season Robb was a conquering hero. This season, Master of Models. He spent more time staring at a map of the battle as opposed to being in the actual battle. Maybe Roose Bolton betrayed him just because he was bored? I wouldn’t have blamed him. And Catelyn trying in vain to save her son’s life was the first meaningful thing she had done all season. Even Robb’s wife was boring. A sweetheart and easy on the eyes, but boring nonetheless. I’m sorry to see them go, but I have the same feeling I had a day after seeing Matthew Crawley die at the end of season three of Downton Abbey. Initially I was upset, but that faded away and ultimately I was cool with it. And the Starks, a wet blanket of a family if there ever was one, are now suddenly much more interesting. What do the kids do now? Robb and Catelyn’s death thrust a fresh set of questions regarding the Starks at us at exactly the right time.

In the end, the Starks were like Wallace and the battle for the Iron Throne like the dope game in Baltimore. They just weren’t made for it and probably should have stayed away.

2. Jon Snow’s Adventures Beyond the Wall

I’m not sure what move made less sense- 20 Wildlings bum rushing one old man or Jon Snow blowing his cover when he did. Come on Jon Boy, you killed a fellow Night’s Watchman, you couldn’t kill one old man just to keep your ruse going? Just imagine how cool Jon Snow will be once he grows a pair of balls. Look out Westeros!

Either way, I feel bad for Ygritte because she got straight played by Jon, something I didn’t think Jon was capable of doing. Rookie move by Jon, though. Never piss off a woman who is a crack shot with a bow and arrow. Never.

So now our hero Jon Snow is valiantly riding off to…to…uh…where exactly is he riding off to? Castle Black? Well that’s cool, but it’s also empty except for a few old dudes talking to ravens. If Jon doesn’t miss Ygritte now, he will soon.

But what does the future hold for Jon? If he is heading to Castle Black, then I think it’s important to remember that the Night’s Watch are most likely still on spring break up at Castor’s house. And that should be the entire Night’s Watch because at the end of season one, they rode in mass out into the great white North and then the majority of the ranks where killed when they battled the White Walkers in between seasons two and three. So yeah, Castle Black isn’t what it used to be. Jon most likely doesn’t know that his buddy, Commander Mormont is dead and that the surviving members of the Watch are maxin’ and relaxin’ instead of meeting him at Castle Black, so it’ll be interesting to see how that plays out. And Jon’s little buddy Sam has himself an instant family now, so their riding days are over, leaving Jon all by himself. No Sam, no Mormont, definitely no Ygritte. If Jon wasn’t all emo before, he definitely is now. He’s knocking on the door of writing shitty blues songs and going Into the Wild on everyone.

I can still see Jon playing an active role on the show and I can also see him fading into the background and become a bench player.

The one thing I can’t see?

Ygritte being stoked to see him if they ever meet again.

3. Daenerys & Her Dragons

Speaking of writing shitty blues songs, better keep an acoustic guitar away from poor Jorah because that dude is not liking the new arrangement in Camp Danys. He was her number two, but now Keanu Reeves is there, being all dude and getting all touchy feely with her. That smooth operator Darrio already stole Jorah’s thunder. He’s about to steal his lightning too.

Danys slave-freeing quest continued this week, with a yada-yada-yada sacking of Yunkai. She still has a body of water between her and Westeros, so I don’t see her making anymore big moves this season. But she has moved up in the pecking order- from wild card to full on power player.

4. A Stark in the Woods- Part One: Arya

Assuming Daenery’s role as the Wild Card on Game of Thrones is Arya. I don’t know what the hell is going to happen to Arya now. A buddy comedy with the Hound maybe? A kill them all revenge mission? Pulling a Dick Whitman/Don Draper and reinventing herself as a Madison Ave account woman? Who knows. All we do know is that she was so effin’ close to finally reuniting with her family. But instead of a family reunion, once again she was present at the murder of her family members. Man I really wanted her to get to Robb’s wolf, let the wolf loose and ride off on the wolf’s back. At the very least I wanted the wolf to live. Apparently the producers of Game of Thrones didn’t get the “Dogs Don’t Die on Television or in the Movies” memo.

While I doubt we’ll get any indication of Arya’s future plans in next week’s season finale, it’s nice to know that still can find time to do things like this:


5. A Stark in the Woods- Part Two: Bran & Rickon

I’m still not all that interested in these two, so I’ll just say this…

Rickon is totally the new Stark to Keep an Eye On.

Totally.

6. The Night’s Watch Sam & Gilly’s Adventures Beyond the Wall

So according to Gilly, Sam is a wizard because he can read.

Well if he were really a wizard he wouldn’t have left behind the magic knife he used to kill the white walker with last week.

So there.

7. As King’s Landing Turns Keeping Up With the Lannisters

Only thing to report here is that we finally learned who Tywin was writing all those letters to. He’s pen pals with Roose Bolton. That’s adorable.

8. So…who’s torturing Theon?

It’s Roose. I don’t know why and I still don’t care.

9. Stannis “The B Stand for Plan B” Baratheon

Offline this week.

Photos: HBO

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