With the Joy bracket all wrapped up and Kendrick Lamar emerging, it’s time to turn our attention to Anger. Oooooohhh anger, that vicious succubus driving a certain candidate’s Presidential campaign and cranking the wheels of venom on Twitter. God, we love to be angry don’t we? Well, I don’t. But I think I’m in the minority here.
So without further ado, the Anger bracket.
Kanye West (1) vs. Bear Attack Awareness (8)
Man, Kanye has taken to Twitter like a bear taking to a broken down white dude foraging for berries in the wild. Of course Kanye also co-opted the Internet for a week or so with his NYC Fashion Week show and the release(s) of The Life of Pablo. Kanye has also continued to capture the public’s imagination (for good and bad) with his Twitter rants, bold proclamations that he intends to release three albums this year and the ever-changing The Life of Pablo, an album that Giddy Up America ranks as…
Of course that’s the version I’ve listened to. I can’t speak for the one you or the person next to you has heard.
As for this bear stuff- well we can’t be messing with bears people! And to be honest, I’m not sure we needed to see Leo getting mauled by one in The Revenant to really drive that point home. We’ll give them points for putting a face to the victims of bear attacks, but come on, we should have known bears weren’t to be trifled with by now.
Kanye moves on.
Courtney B. Vance (2) vs. New Girl (7)
Television right now has been made by both of these entities, whether it’s the latest incarnation of New Girl or Vance’s portrayal of Johnnie Cochran on The People vs. O.J. Simpson. New Girl keeps finding ways to make itself fresh and interesting, undertaking course corrections after missteps or navigating the unpredictable waters of a star’s pregnancy. I believe it’s the funniest sitcom on television right now and won’t have anyone saying otherwise.
However, The People vs. O.J. Simpson is THE television show right now. It’s the one the masses are watching; the one the masses are talking about. In this day and age we only get a couple of shows like it a year- the next being Game of Thrones. And there are three things driving the runaway bus that is “The O.J. Show:” the subject matter, Sarah Paulson and Vance. It’s fitting then that both Paulson and Vance are in the tournament and both are high seeds (Paulson is the one seed in the Relief bracket.) Vance explodes in the show; damn near owns every scene he’s in. He’s brought Cochran the man and Cochran the legacy back into the forefront of pop culture, reminding us of the complications that came with the man, as well as his unmatched showmanship. Vance has been one of those dudes who has been around for years but you probably can’t name a thing he’s been in. Until now.
I love New Girl, but Vance is a freight train outlasting a hurricane.
Larry David as Bernie Sanders (3) vs. Lebron James on Social Media (6)
Despite the riches that this current presidential race has provided them with, Saturday Night Live has been inconsistent this season. I think a lot of it is that Trump just isn’t funny anymore. Lucky for them though, they have a default move, something they can always rely on to get a laugh- Larry David appearing as Bernie Sanders. It’s Tina Fey as Sarah Palin 2.0, a wildcard in the show’s back pocket. I’m not sure how much longer Sanders will be in the race, but I hope we get at least one or two more appearances by David.
I’m sick of LeBron. I guess he had something to do with Kendrick Lamar dropping his surprise mixtape but still, I’m sick of LeBron.
James Corden’s Carpool Karaoke (4) vs. Late 2nd Term President Obama (5)
The key to success for these late-night hosts now isn’t a good monologue, compelling interview or band leader. Nope. It’s all about the YouTube clips that people can watch the next day; that they can share on social media. I think it’s one of the reasons David Letterman left when he did. He saw the changing landscape. He saw what Kimmel and Fallon were doing. It’s probably also one of the reasons why CBS nabbed Stephen Colbert as his successor, because they knew it was a game he could play. It seems like every host has a cornerstone viral bit at their disposal now (the exception being Fallon, who has taken it to such an extreme that watching his show from start to finish is pointless as far as I’m concerned.) Yet none of Fallon’s bits appear here. James Corden’s Carpool Karaoke does, though. It’s pretty freakin’ clever and they work really well, especially because Corden plays his part as set-up guy perfectly. He also gets good guests to partake- Bieber, One Direction, Elton John. The one with Adele made us all fall in love with her even more; something we didn’t think was possible.
Corden is going up against the President of the United States, though. And it’s not just any president- it’s President Obama in the eleventh hour of his second term. It’s Zero Eff’s Obama and he could care less about your Internet segments, your problems with green gas-related regulations or qualms with him nominating a Supreme Court judge. That dude has probably put up with more shit during his presidency than any other president and now, now with the end getting closer he’s signing bills with a Sharpie and a middle finger raised. The only bummer is that it would have been fun to have this version of Obama all along. But I guess that wouldn’t have been possible. He needed to get to this point, not start at this point. I understand.
Corden should too because Obama moves on.
Kanye West vs. Larry David as Bernie Sanders
This is kind of a tough one. Kanye has been quiet as of late, but for a stretch there he was damn near front-page news. He did have The Week of Kanye- fashion show in Madison Square Garden, a new album, a live performance on Saturday Night Live. And all of that happened in like, three days. Dominating the Internet should count for something, if not everything. Larry David’s Bernie Sanders has appeared in stints on the Internet. Kanye West was the Internet.
Courtney B. Vance vs. Late 2nd Term President Obama
Man they both bring me such happiness. Right now Obama is chilling in Cuba, making history. Tuesday night Vance will be owning another episode of The Show Everyone is Talking About Right Now.
If I do a coin flip, would you trust me?
I don’t have a coin.
Cue up similar argument used in Larry David vs. Kanye in that Vance has a night, a specific night. Obama was any night or day he wants.
Kanye West vs. Late 2nd Term President Obama
The Life is Pablo is pretty, pretty good but I doubt it’s staying power. I think if it had been cut down to ten or eleven songs it’d be better. Who knows, maybe the next version is that length? Isn’t that kind of a problem though- how is a released album a moving target? On the one hand it is kind of cool that Kanye has essentially laid waste to the old ideas of an album, by making it a living piece of art as opposed to a finished one, but from a consumer stand point, it’s a little frustrating. I don’t want to be going through the hassle of obtaining multiple copies of The Life of Pablo, just so I can have the latest one. But I also don’t want to have a version that isn’t considered the final version. Plus, how the hell is Kanye going to release three more albums this year if he can’t finish one?
I definitely applaud Kanye’s intentions, but I don’t necessarily support them. He can also be a total dick on Twitter.
President Obama, days away from saying fuck it and following the Golden State Warriors for the rest of the season just because he effin’ can advances in a fairly significant upset.