Can Anyone Beat Bill Murray?

By Ryan O'Connell on 03/24/2015 • ( 0 )

Ted Cruz is running for president, the NCAA tournament is still fun, but full of painfully dull basketball and in your Daily Dose of Durst- our good friend Bob is stuck in Louisiana while his gun charge gets resolved. So with that out of the way, let’s get back to the Wildest Wild Card Tournament.

Actually, really quickly…how did we get here? Well Bill Murray advanced- so did Prince, Twitter, Dennis Rodman, Whiskey, Kramer, day drinking, Manny Ramirez, Miley & Gaga, the Phillie Phanatic, Tony Stark, Leo, RiRi, Legalized weed and cats. Getting this party back on track, we start with the second round of the Kitten Mittens bracket.

The Kitten Mittens Bracket: Round Two

Bill Murray (1) vs. Dennis Rodman (4)

Rodman…Rodman is a nut job and if you had to pick one noteworthy professional athlete that would willingly not only travel to North Korea, but bring other professional athletes with him to play some basketball under the watchful eye of Kim Jong-un, you would no doubt draw up a short list and on that list, at least two of the top three names would be Dennis Rodman. Again, the Wild Card Tipping Point comes into play here because was it really that surprising that Rodman of all people would end up in North Korea? Uh, well…actually yeah kind of. So I definitely don’t think The Worm has tipped just yet.

And neither has Bill Murray and I’m going to ask you another question. You know that Murray is going to appear on Jimmy Kimmel Live and you know that Jimmy Kimmel Live is in Austin, Texas, doing shows during South by Southwest. So knowing those things and those things only, what would you expect Murray to do during his appearance?

A.) Not show up
B.) Show up dressed as a cowboy
C.) Show up dressed as a cowboy and sing a Willie Nelson song
D.) None of the above

Any of these answers could work, but you’d be best suited to pick D. Why? Because you can’t predict what Bill Murray is going to do! That’s why he’s such a legendary wild card. And you most certainly couldn’t have predicted this…

Dennis Rodman randomly pops up in North Korea, which is kind of not cool because North Korea sucks and he left there on their side, saying how his new bestie Kimmy Kimmy Koco Puffs is misunderstood. Murray on the other hand whimsically appears on Kimmel making us all love him even more.

Got to be honest with you, Bill Murray is going to be hard to beat.

And that is short hand for Dennis Rodman did not win this match.

Prince (2) vs. Twitter (3)

Is Prince a recluse or a wild card? Or wait, is he a reclusive wild card? Does that even matter? If Prince is involved, how does Prince lose? Damn, that’s a lot of questions. How many characters were all those questions? Hmm…probably more than 140. That’s relevant because as you probably know, Twitter has limits. Meanwhile, across town, Prince, that dude has no limits. Prince laughs at limits. Prince writes a bad ass funk song, slays it, then stashes it in his basement. And that song is called “Limits.” Prince isn’t on Twitter, I checked. Prince might not even know what Twitter is. Prince is probably only aware of some advanced kind of social media that us normal folk don’t even know about. Actually Prince most likely laughs at the idea of social media; thinks it’s probably basic. And for Prince, there is nothing worse in the world than something being basic. Prince would never write a song called basic. It’d be disrespectful to his song.

Twitter is a wild card because the people tweeting are capable of anything. At least online, on Twitter, they are capable of anything. It’s part of the allure of Twitter- that it’s a mask, a stone wall. For the majority of Twitter users, it’s a news source, it’s a joke source, it’s a venting source. But for some people it’s an outlet for the kind of craziness they would normally not be cool with unleashing in the real world. But the fact that if you wake up in the morning and casually scroll through your Twitter feed and could easily stumble upon literally anything is what makes Twitter a wild card. Reasons for that anything beside, Twitter is most definitely a wild card- way more than other forms of social media and in a world where social media is becoming more and more prevalent…hold on, I’m starting to surprise myself here…Twitter being the wild card that it is carries increasingly more weight. I don’t think anyone can understate the importance and power of Twitter these days and yes, I’m not totally cool with saying that. But I’m not totally cool with a lot of things. That’s life.

And honestly, that’s how this is going to shake down, with Twitter upsetting Prince.

Why?

Because Twitter is legitimately a wild card and Prince is more of a recluse; he’s a myth, urban legend. Granted Prince does appear from time to time, but he does so in the same way a freak weather pattern shows up- randomly and without notice and then he’s gone, leaving only memories and first hand accounts in his wake. You could argue that Prince is totally a wild card because of this and that’s fine. I wouldn’t disagree with you. But in terms of who/what is the more relevant wild card at this very moment- Prince or Twitter? I would say Twitter.

And no, I didn’t see that coming.

The Kitten Mittens Bracket: Round Three

Bill Murray (1) vs. Twitter (3)

Do this, Google “Bill Murray Random.” Or more specifically, you can go to a website, devoted entirely to Bill Murray stories and chance encounters. Either way, you’d be venturing down an Internet rabbit hole that might not have a bottom. There are too many to count, too many to keep track of.

Bill Murray drinks tequila with Wu Tang Clan at South by Southwest.

Bill Murray turns up at a house party in London…a student house party…plays drums with the band, then leaves.

Bill Murray crashes a bachelor party in Charleston, South Carolina.

Bill Murray crashes a kick ball game in New York City, playing for thirty minutes before peacing out.

Bill Murray on a cross country commuter flight…Bill Murray at a MGMT show…Bill Murray in a pro shop…

It just goes on and on, each one simultaneously less believable, then more believable than the last. Talk about urban myths. I’ve heard Murray doesn’t even have an agent, just various voice mails scattered across the country. So if you want him to appear in your movie, you’re best course of action is a chance encounter or a chance returned call. A Charleston bachelor party is a better bet than a call to William & Morris.

All of these stories are great and all of these stories, upon happening, make the rounds on Twitter with spirit and vigor. Which is exactly why Murray beats Twitter. In a certain situation, Twitter is the messenger of Murray’s wild card tales The messenger can’t trump the message. That’s crazy talk.

And that’s why Murray advances to the final four.