When they were in the White House, the bond between President Barack Obama and Vice President Joe Biden was down right admirable. Really something to strive for. They legitimately looked like the best of buddies, like Biden had Obama’s back and vice versa. No really, it was truly something to strive for. It was like when you watched New Girl and kind of wished that you were friends with someone in the same way Nick was friends with Schmidt. Pretty much the same thing.
In the time since their time in the White House ended, that relationship has been one of the things missing in our lives. Well, that and civility. And respect for the office of the presidency. And more civility. You know, stuff like that. But then on Monday, that wonderful bromantic relationship came hulk-smashing back into our lives.
Yes Dog Tag Bakery, LOOK who stopped by for lunch today. It’s Barack and Joe. Just a couple of dudes out on the town. Of course the dynamic duo didn’t pick just any random spot in D.C. to have lunch at. That’s not how they roll. They chose the Dog Tag Bakery because of the story behind it, a story they both had reportedly been following closely.
“The bakery runs a fellowship program, now in its eighth class, that acts as a “living business school” for veterans, military spouses and military caregivers, Dog Tag CEO Meghan Ogilvie told COVER/LINE. Professors from Georgetown University teach fellows, who can earn a certificate of business administration from Georgetown University’s School of Continuing Studies.”
Of course Joe and Barack’s bip boppin’ around town also served as a welcome reminder of a time when photos of the two of them were commonplace and fantastic Internet content; when they made you feel good about the people running this good old country of ours. They were buddies and seemed to become even closer as the years went on. It was quite a departure from the duo that preceded them (Bush & Cheney) and the pair of numbskulls who occupy those roles today. There was always a realness to the Obama presidency and the relationship between Obama and Biden really seemed to routinely embody that realness.
When the Obama years sadly came to a close, we were left to wonder what would come of our new favorite friendship that didn’t technically involve us, but also totally involved us because we had become so invested in that friendship over the eight years of Obama’s two terms. Would they stay in touch? Would they still hang out? Would they rent a house together down on the eastern shore of Maryland and spend their days drinking beer, playing cornhole and hosting lucky dudes’ bachelor parties? All we could do was wonder. And while their jaunt out to the Dog Tag Bakery was an incredibly welcome sight, it did make me wonder, what kind of future do I personally envision for Obama and Biden? What would I like to see them do together?
I thought about this, probably more than I should have, and started a list.
They become bartenders, but not flashy bartenders like Tom Cruise and that other dude in Cocktail. They’d be chill, friendly bartenders who can tell what you need to drink by the look on your face.
They run an ice cream shop, but one that has someone on staff that makes sure Ol’ Uncle Joe doesn’t eat all the product.
They coach little league baseball, in which Obama was the manager, but Biden had no problem being the one to argue with umpires if needed.
They open a used record store. They would have a cat that lived in their store that they would name Rumsfeld because he always destroyed stuff.
They host a podcast. No guests. Just the two of them talking about the news of the day. Every episode would be longer than planned because of Biden riffs.
They call baseball games and yes, Obama would do play by play and Biden would provide color.
They become Uber drivers, but they ride together and take turns driving. It’d be a little confusing for passengers, but they’d get over it.
They work at a liquor store, but again, they’d require some form of supervision.
They play in a bar band. Just the two of them. They’d play covers, mostly stuff from the 70’s because according to Biden, that’s when music came alive.
They have a paper route, but only on Sundays.
They open a used book store and no Joe, it wouldn’t be called the Write House.
They run a bike rental shop in Key West. You get a free rental if you give a positive review on Kayak. Biden checks the reviews frequently.
They start a pop culture website geared specifically towards middle aged dudes. It’d be called What’s That Again? and the font would already be zoomed in at 130%.
They operate a tour bus in which Obama drives and Biden does the narrating. It’d be good, not great. Not all that informative, but overall pretty entertaining.
They have a show on ESPN. They’d interview current athletes, but ultimately every conversation and interview would be derailed by the hosts talking about their own athletic prowess in their younger days. There’d be a segment called Ya Think You Can Take ’em? and it’d involve Obama asking Biden if he thought he could take the guest at whatever their sport was. The answer would always be “you bet your ass I can.”
They become second grade teachers, but co-teachers. They’d be in the same classroom. The students would like Mr. Biden better because Mr. Obama has a tendency to go on and on and get a little boring.
They become wedding DJs or more specifically, a wedding entertainment team. Obama would be the DJ and Biden would be the emcee. Obama cuts Biden’s microphone during the songs because Biden likes to sing along.
They work at Home Depot, but their supervisors have to make sure they don’t work in the same department because they were prone to goofing off.
They work as badge checkers at a beach on the Jersey Shore. Obama would be surprisingly lax on letting people go without badges. It would drive Biden nuts.
They investigate mysteries like the Hardy Boys. Their first mystery is the Case of the Missing Flashlight. Spoiler alert: it was in Biden’s backpack the whole time.
They run a jazz club called The Aviator Club, named after the owners’ penchant for wearing aviator sunglasses
They help elect Democratic candidates, one of whom is not Biden.