A Dark Day for Bachelor Nation

Today is June 12, 2017. Mark it down, remember this day. It is perhaps one of the darkest days to ever fall upon the wonderful people of Bachelor Nation. If a few people in your office are especially gloomy today, it’s not just the Mondays bringing them down.

The first shot across the Nation’s bow came Friday night, when the Cleveland Cavaliers made every effin’ shot they took and beat the Golden State Warriors in Game 4 of the NBA Finals. This then forced a Game 5. Game 5 is Monday night June 12 at 9pm. Game 5 airs on ABC, the same network that airs The Bachelorette.


Next Monday, as in not this Monday. That inevitable confrontation about race and the casual discussion about racing coding that was hinted at last week will have to wait a week.

Don’t worry. Lee is still somewhat racist.

Yet with only two days having passed since that bit of news, the Nation was then hit with even more troubling news Sunday night.

To which my initial response is very clearly the following:

Image result for fuck you chris harrison gif

But it turns out, maybe our anger shouldn’t be directed at Mr. Chris Harrison and instead, should be directed at either DeMario, Corinne, DeMario and Corinne or The Mysterious Producer. Allow me to break this down in the most polite, Monday morning appropriate way possible.

DeMario, recently booted from this current season of The Bachelorette for tom foolery and shenanigans, went from outside the Bachelor Mansion to sunny Mexico. Upon his arrival, drinks were consumed and according to reports, he was approached by Corinne, a MVP contender from Nick Viall’s season. It was then, according to ET, that things started to go sideways.

“DeMario was in the pool,” the source said. “Next thing you know,Corinne comes over and hops on his lap. They start talking and joking.”

The source says that things escalated quickly between the two contestants, leading to the pair getting hot and heavy together.

“Hot and heavy together” is basically a subtitle for Bachelor in Paradise.

Everything seems perfectly normal to me; probably seems so to you as well. Shit man, probably seemed perfectly normal to everyone present including the woodland creatures lurking just out of frame. However, it did not seem normal to a producer present, a producer who will now be known as the “third party.”

“Everyone is just going about their business. Cameras are rolling. Producers are everywhere,” the source said. “That’s when a ‘third party’ felt uncomfortable, claiming misconduct in the workplace. As of right now, production of Paradise is suspended indefinitely. And they are sending everyone home and telling everyone else to stay home. DeMario and Corinne got sent home soon after.”

Now production has been halted, the season, which is scheduled to start on August 8th, is in jeopardy, and quite simply put, everything is terrible.

Image result for i hate everything gif

As constituents of Bachelor Nation, there are some questions that need to be answered, the first of which is what the hell “third party?” You’re a producer on Bachelor in Paradise, a show where contestants are drinking heavily in the hot sun, casually dabbling in almost sexual relations on a daily basis and two of these contestants getting “hot and heavy” in a pool is a step too far? I’m confused. Was this producer duped into this job? Did they not know what they were signing up for? Are they Amish for crying out loud? I mean, this is kind of like a firefighter going to a fire and being shocked at the site of flames shooting out of a window.

Of course this leads to a second question, what are we missing here? There’s definitely more to this story. Last summer’s season of Bachelor in Paradise featured the Chad Bear, a roided up man beast, who at one time, was all but chucking Lace from one side of the pool to the other and the show proceeded as planned. So if a tick away from outright sexual assault is cool, what could have happened between DeMario and Corinne? You want to know what I think? Well, let’s just say if a story came out in the next day or two and the phrase “not consensual” was featured, I wouldn’t be surprised.


Until that happens though, we are left to wonder, check Twitter for updates and turn the page. The NBA Finals have been super entertaining, so there’s still something fun to watch tonight and next Monday will be here before you know it.

If that’s not enough to turn that frown upside down, there’s always puppy videos or something.

You’re welcome.



Categories: Bachelor Nation, Television

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