It’s summer music festival word association time again. This time, we’re going to tackle the lineup for Bonnaroo 2017. The one-time hippie, jam band festival in the wilds of Tennessee has grown into a pretty eclectic event, becoming more on par with the other big-time American music festivals. Think less jam bands, more traditional, big tent headliners. The lineup isn’t revolutionary by any means, but it’s interesting nonetheless.
So far, we’ve tackled the lineup for Coachella. For a refresher, I’m going to look at the lineup and proceed to write down the first thing comes to mind when I see a band or musician’s name. So right now, it’s 2:08. At 2:09, it’s go time. In the meantime, let’s talk about how awesome President Obama is and how last night’s speech, his farewell speech, was most likely the last…GO!!!
U2: nothing says hippie fest like U2
Red Hot Chili Peppers: well, says hippie fest a little more than U2 does
The Weeknd: cool with him, not cool with how his name is spelled
Chance the Rapper: Obama’s favorite rapper
Major Lazer: more like major fun
Flume: better with a log in front of it and even better in the summer
The xx: are “x’s” hugs or kisses?
Lorde: she still looks like a sea nymph
Travis Scott: he’s a rapper, but based on his name, you could tell me he’s either a skateboarder or someone who works at Enterprise
Cage the Elephant: hey, a rock band
Marshmello: hey, probably not a rock band
The Head and The Heart: how I make decisions and how I reverse said decisions
Big Gigantic: the size of the problem America is about to face
Glass Animals: a frageel
Future Islands: again, California
Tory Lanez: maybe could be the name of a bowling alley
Tove Lo: maybe couldn’t be the name of a bowling alley
Yellow Claw: definitely not the name of a bowling alley
Umphrey’s McGee: hippie band…look out!
Portugal. The Man: you know what? They’re from Alaska.
Crystal Castles: free of shit talk
Milky Chance: better than no chance
Tegan & Sara: Uncle Mike’s kids
Cold War Kids: Uncle Stalin’s kids
Kaleo: big-time rock riffs
SuperJam: this is a thing, not a band
Russ: this is a mechanic, not a band
Jon Bellion: oh, the French filmmaker?
Royal Blood: two dudes that sound like seven
The Strumbellas: sounds like a clique of mean girls
Car Seat Headrest: featured on a lot of top ten lists
Michael Kiwanuka: fun last name to say, little tough to spell though
Gallant: how I live my life
D.R.A.M.: I think this is one of those mumbling rappers, but I could be wrong
Louis the Child: don’t be fooled by his attempts at maturity
Borgore: sounds like slang for boring and gory
Dua Lipa: oh, the Indian restaurant?
Nghtmre: guys, there is absolutely nothing wrong with vowels. Nothing!
Getter: lacks proper direction
Snails: my normal walking speed comparison
James Vincent McMorrow: serial killer or country singer
Joseph: again, ladies
Illenium: is this a Tom Cruise or Matt Damon movie?
Flatbush Zombies: you know, just what we call lazy extras on the set of Girls
Aminé: Japanese cartoons, right?
Claude VonStroke: come on, this is an alias. Someone is hiding something.
Francis & The Lights: don’t call me Francis!
Margo Price: not Margo Robbie
BadBadNotGood: also not Margo Robbie
The Front Bottoms: definitely not Margo Robbie
G Jones: might be Margo Robbie
Preservation Hall Jazz Band: legends
Greensky Bluegrass: well, it’s a bluegrass band
Cam: Uncle Mike’s kid
Bad Suns: mantra for the Gingers of America
Mandolin Orange: get it? Like mandarin orange?
Eden: east of
Rainbow Kitten Surprise: I hope this is a death metal band
Ookay: yup, makes sense
Herobust: a bust of Batman
Kevin Morby: someone who owns a bust of Batman
Goldfish: I’d call mine Lou
Noname: what you call your goldfish before the official naming ceremony
Leon: pretty dope name for a goldfish actually
Bluegrass SuperJam: cool for no more than 15 minutes
Albin Lee Meldau: rearrange the letters and it spells fried green tomatoes
San Holo: oooooohhh, clever
Rezz: either a rapper or a DJ
Angélique Kidjo: probably plays flamenco guitar…or percussion
Haywyre: you can just call it Haywire. No one will think any less of you.
Deap Vally: you can just call it Deep Valley. No one will think any less of you.
Hippo Campus: such a fun band name
Luke Combs: will get you a good deal on lumber
Vanic: what am I supposed to do with this
Unlike Pluto: yeah, unlike Pluto, it makes no sense
Kaiydo: a form of karate?
Ten Fé: uh?
Nightly: I floss
The Orwells: Uncle Mike’s family
Stick Figure: underrated style of drawing
Mondo Cozmo: a giant burger at a cheesy burger joint
Barclay Crenshaw: attorney at law
Goody Grace: I want to say this is a clown
July Talk: the heat, grilling, buying ice…
Khruangbin: making sure the Khruangbin is fully stocked…
Lucy Dacus: cause the party is at Lucy Dacus’ place
Klangstof: a tribe of barbarians
Kevin Abstract: nerdcore rapper probably
Turkuaz: how do you even pronounce that?
The Lemon Twigs: cat burglars in an 80’s movie
Wilderado: you know, it could be the name of a SUV
Twin Limb: two arms, but on the same side of your body
Big Jesus: uh…God?
Twiddle: a British insult
White Reaper: Trump
River Whyless: let’s just say it’s a last name
Alexandra Savior: let’s just hope it’s a last name
Lukas Nelson & Promise of The Real: all you can ask for
Innanet James: gossip columnist
Ganja White Night: Willie Nelson
Aaron Lee Tasjan: serial killer
Good talk see you out there.