Well, I guess all those nerds were right. We all thought the Hound was dead because it sure looked like he was dead, or almost dead, after Brienne was done with him at the end of season four. But props to those pesky know-it-alls who repeatedly said that if you don’t see a character die, then they are most likely not dead. The Hound is not dead. He lived and joined Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes.
Our song of the week goes out to Margaery specifically because I’m sorry, the game your playing is making me nervous.
On to this week’s rankings.
Giddy Up America’s Game of Thrones’ Power Rankings: Week Seven
1. Behind Every Good (and Resurrected) Man is a Good (and Pissed Off) Woman
Say what you will about Davos, that dude is great with kids. And say what you will about my wife, she’s great at pointing out that Davos is great with kids. Jon and Sansa’s call to action worked with the Wildlings because Tormund brought up a good point- Jon literally died for them and having his back is literally the least they can do. If he had just gotten a nasty bit of frost bite for them it’d be a different story. But that same card doesn’t work with America’s new favorite pre-teen, Lady Mormont, who was really only missing one thing during that scene. The little lady made some valid points and it looked like Sansa and Jon were going to be S.O.L. if not for Davos, the young lady whisperer, there to save the day. Sure, it’s kind of weird that he relates to her because he’s like old and stuff and she’s like, not. But hey, 62 men are 62 men. It should also be noted that when it comes to war, 62 men are essentially the Solomon Islands. No one is pumped about the Solomon Island’s inclusion in the Starks’ Coalition of the Willing. Not even them. Oh well. You take what you can get I guess. Especially when you strike out at the next stop on the Sorry Robb Got Your Dad Killed Tour. Fingers crossed Brienne is able to snag the Blackfish’s endorsement. Although he looks a little busy at the moment.
I will say, Sansa had some decent points regarding Davos’ work history. Listen, we all love Davos, but it’s not as if his LinkedIn page is raking in the endorsements. But hey, he’s not a resume guy. He’s more of a one on one kind of dude. His work history is best discussed, not reviewed. I get it. We’ve all been there.
I got your back, Davos.
2. Keeping Up with the Lannisters
There seems to be a lot to unpack here and for the time being, this mess at Riverrun is going to be included in this plot line. We can also start there, mainly because it featured the return of what is easily the best bromance on Game of Thrones, Jaime and Bronn. Bronn, where the hell have you been buddy? Actually, we probably know exactly where he’s been. Anyway, are you like me? Are you wondering how on Earth you store enough provisions for two years? That’s impressive. There must be a lot of garages in Riverrun where they have second fridges. As for the Blackfish? Well, much like Janice in Accounting, he just don’t give an eff. He’ll call your bluff and then enjoy some of his rations he is so darn proud of.
Over in King’s Landing, I remain concerned about our girl Margaery. It’s now obvious she’s attempting to play the High Sparrow, but I just don’t think that’s smart. His smugness and sermonizing seems to know no bounds. He’s also a terrible marriage counselor. Well unless your a dude asking for advice. Then he makes perfect sense I guess. At least Mags is able to get Granny to pack up her things and bust a move out of there because you know the Faith Militant are coming for her next. And yeah Cersei, this shit is all your fault. She essentially let Prohibition happen and is now pissed she got busted chugging wine behind the 7-11. Could Cersei be the next big character to die? Hmm. I’d say, yeah it’s possible. I mean, it’s Game of Thrones. They’ll effin’ kill anybody.
Pyke: Least Desirable Island Getaway, 80 Years Running! There’s No Joy Like Greyjoy
“I know you’ve had some bad years.”
Really Yarra? Really? “Some bad years, huh?” If we’re going to be trivial about Theon’s time being imprisoned, let’s at least refer to them as shitty years. Calling them shitty instead of bad seems to drive the point closer to home.
But on the real, this plot line is only this high because of it’s promise to finally get Daenerys out of freakin’ Mereen. Make promises like that Yarra and you can make all the understatements you want.
“I don’t see what the problem is. Trump is only a little racist.”
You’ve gone too far Yarra! Too far.
4. A Girl Must Get Her Act Together
Dude, come on Arya.
You pissed off a house of assassins. Assassins who are pretty dope at being sneaky. I think I’d take in the luscious views of Braavos some other time and spend more time lying low until you can get the next ship out of there. Instead Arya is soaked and apparently just nursing a flesh wound, even though I would think that a view knife jabs to the stomach might be something at least worthy of medical attention. But on the other side of things, can we all at least chuckle at the Waif’s inability to finish the job? She’s been itching to take down Arya since she strolled in and when she finally gets her chance, she biffs it. You know what, the Waif, you get one of these too…
Actually, let’s just give one to this whole story line.
Let’s wrap it up please. Thanks.
5. The Hound…not dead yet
Given the amount of fan service Game of Thrones has doled out this season, the Hound returning shouldn’t be all that surprising. Who would have thought he would have joined a neo-hippie band, though? Or religious cult. Either way, should we really care that he’s back? Does Game of Thrones really need more characters at this point? And how will the Hound fit into everything now that he’s back, roaming the country side with a sour disposition and an ax? He’ll obviously be gunning for the dudes who killed those other dudes, but then what? As soon as he showed up people were pumped for a possible #CleganeBowl – a fight between the Hound and the Mountain. But if I could, I’d like to poke some holes in that. Specifically two.
One: How does the Hound end up in King’s Landing or even Casterly Rock, where the Mountain would be? Isn’t he around the Eyrie right now? That’s a ways from both of those places, especially on foot. I’m sure the show could find a way to get them in the same place at the same time. But right now it seems like a stretch.
Two: The Mountain really isn’t the Mountain anymore. He’s Ser Robert Strong. If you’ve always wanted revenge on your brother for burning half of your face and when you finally get revenge, it’s not really your brother anymore because your brother essentially was killed and then brought back to life by a mad scientist, wouldn’t it be kind of an empty feeling? Or am over-thinking this?
Maybe I am.
It happens from time to time.