Okay, Memorial Day Weekend is on the back nine and it’s raining. Let’s get into some Game of Thrones‘ Plot Line Power Rankings. Ah, but first, our song of the week this week is…
Get it Gilly! But come on, no make over montage? This show is slipping.
On to the rankings.
Giddy Up America’s Game of Thrones’ Power Rankings: Week Six
1. Keeping Up with the Lannisters
Kind of a disclaimer here…there wasn’t a clear cut number one this week. More like a handful of two’s and three’s. But I’m not in the business of leaving the top spot open, so I’m giving it to our friends the Lannisters, mainly because there’s a lot of ducks in this particular pond.
The first duck is this mess with the High Sparrow who notched one in the win column this week by effectively turning Margaery, who then flipped King Tom Tom, all to the embarrassment of his Uncle/Dad Jaime. Well played High Sparrow. Smugness pays apparently. But wait, did he really turn Margaery or is she working a long con here? It’s not like that’s not something she’d be open to. Be careful though, Mags. You can’t bull shit a bullshitter and the High Sparrow seems to be pretty damn good at bullshitting. Either way, rough look for Jaime this week. It’s one thing to get the tables turned on you, but for it to be done in public and damn, right when you’re pulling a boss move- kind of a bummer. Buzz kill. Oh, but Cersei has a plan? Cool. Note to self: Cersei’s plans are terrible! I appreciate her confidence that she’ll do a trial by combat and that the Mountain will be her champion and yeah, that sounds dope. But when has a plan of Cersei’s ever worked? Really. If she was a baseball player she’d be batting below .200 and there’d be talks of sending her to the minors to get her swing right. Instead, Jaime is getting sent to the Riverlands to take on the Blackfish.
Which leads us to the second duck- the Blackfish is back. And he’s pissed. And he kicked two of Walder Frey’s punk ass sons out of the Riverlands. Seeing as Walder Frey is #teamLannister, Team Lannister has to come to his rescue. You can’t tell me Walder Frey doesn’t smell like old beets. Is he the most despicable character on the show? Not the worst or the most evil or the shittiest or even the most annoying- the most despicable. He definitely goes to the diner down the street from the Twins on a regular basis and never leaves a tip. He really freys the waitstaff’s nerves.
Yes the third duck is Walder Frey, who finally has a use for his kind of son in law, Edmure, who apparently has been in the dungeon since the Red Wedding. And think, some people refer to their marriage as prison. Edmure’s literally was.
Worth noting: Jaime is headed to the Riverlands. Brienne is headed to the Riverlands on behalf of Sansa 2.0. Shit, looks like we might have to run back “Reunited” by Peaches & Herb from two weeks ago. We’ll see.
2. A Girl Must Get Her Act Together
Hey now, Arya cracks the top three! It’s been a while since anything involving Arya has gotten higher than five on the power rankings. Is it a coincidence that this happens at the same time she apparently has given the Faceless Man her two weeks notice? I don’t think so. Part of the problem with Arya’s arc in the past season and a half is that as cool as the idea of the Faceless Men was, if Arya was to be become one, she wouldn’t be Arya anymore. And we love Arya! We want to see Arya get revenge, not Arya just becoming a faceless assassin. It’s reassuring to see that she feels the same way now.
Although Arya is a Stark, so that means she is bound to make at least one questionable decision a week. This week, going back to the House of Black and White after dipping out on her mission. Probably not the smartest move Arya. You know that she devil who has been tormenting her is licking her lips now that Arya is fair game.
Oh but wait, Arya can’t die. She’s in the second tier of Un-killable characters.
Tier One: Tyrion, Jon, Daenerys, Bran (up from Tier Two/Three)
Tier Two: Arya, Sansa (up from Tier Three,) Cersei
Tier Three: Jaime, Sam, and uh, maybe one or two other people
So I think Arya is safe.
Of course, I’ve said that before.
3. Branventures Through History
For a show as wild and outrageous as Game of Thrones, I kind of like when they get kind of realistic. For instance, Bran and Meera weren’t going to be able to get that far from the White Walkers, even with Hodor (RIP) holding the door. So I liked that the show picked up with them running, but with the White Walkers in hot pursuit.
However, I didn’t like the damn Internet and damn Twitter going on and on about Benjen’s return immediately following the episode. Any other week, fine. But come on, it was Sunday of Memorial Day Weekend. I wasn’t watching TV last night, I was watching a delightful fire in our fire pit. I think everyone should have realized that for one week, Game of Thrones wasn’t going to be watched in real time and to let at least 12 hours pass before commenting on it. Granted that would mean the Internet is a place with heart and soul.
But Uncle BJ is back and he’s half White Walker. So he’s a White Crawler? Whatever. I don’t want to get hung up on unnecessary details. It looks like Bran replaced Hodor with Benjen. Probably not a bad trade off. Meera has to be stoked. Dragging Bran around looked terrible; one of those shitty “other duties as assigned” tasks we all get stuck with every once in a while. Benjen has a horse. Giddy up y’all.
4. Damn, Danys
So Daenerys, honest question, how exactly are you going to get your massive army across the sea to Westeros? You’re going to need like, 1,000 ships.
To which Daenerys replies, hold up. I’ll be right back.
Danys comes flying in on Drogon, who seems to have grown a bit and gives another rousing Coach Taylor-worthy pep talk and her troops are fired up. That’s great. Really effin’ awesome.
So Daenerys, honest question, how exactly are you going to get your massive army across the sea to Westeros? You’re going to need like, 1,000 ships. Like, still. Despite that cool speech.
5. The One About Sam and Gilly Being Adorable
Sure. If anything, it was nice to see Sam grow a pair at the end. But where is this going? Where are they going? Do I care where they’re going? Right now, tough to say.