Our friends at Game of Thrones really went there this week. And by “there” I mean that frighteningly uncomfortable place where we are all witnesses to a young girl being burnt alive with her parents watching. And on a Sunday no less. Well, no one ever said the show was an easy watch. I mean, they pushed a kid out of a tower window in the very first episode, so it’s not as if this came out of nowhere.
But more on sweet Shireen and her nutso parents in a few.
On to the power rankings!
Giddy Up America’s Game of Thrones’ Power Rankings: Week Nine
1. Over in Essos: When Dany Met Tyrion
For the second week in a row, Game of Thrones goes out with a bang. Last week it was the massacre of Hardhome and this week, Daenerys avoiding those damn Sons of the Harpy by being whisked away on the back of her eldest son, Drogon. And although the appearance of Drogon wasn’t a complete surprise, seeing the Sons of the Harpy everywhere was. Poor form by the security team at the Mereen Stadium. No bag check, guys? No metal detectors? Who the hell thought the honor system was a good way to run a security check-in for a large public gathering? Mereen is obviously living in a pre-9/11 world because that shit would not fly these days.
I have two quick questions regarding all of this hullabaloo…
First, was Danys fiance, Whatever the Hell His Name
Is Was, in on the attack? I’m always skeptical of someone who “had to take care of some things,” making them late for something. Granted he was killed by the Harpy Boys, but they also seemed to kill everyone in the stadium not wearing one of their gold masks, so I’m not sure we can read into that too much. Apparently the Sons of the Harpy live by a simple code: you’re either with us or against us…or eff it we’re killing everyone! Pretty straight forward.
Second, should we be worried that our girl Danys might have grey scale now?
Is taking Jorah by the hand enough to transfer the disease or would she have had to have come in direct contact with his infected area? I checked WebMD but all they said was I have a fever, so they weren’t much help. I didn’t even ask about me, I just asked a general question about grey scale. I’m not sure how reliable that site is, which is crazy because it’s on the Internet and dude, if you can’t trust the Internet, what kind of world are we living in?
So Drogon comes in, wrecks some dudes and that’s that. I would point out that Danys should maybe learn when is and isn’t a good time for some quality mother/son time. Like, chilling on a mountain top = a good time. But while your son is getting pelted with spears, probably not the best time. And while we’re nitpicking, we could maybe throw some shade at Danys for peacing out on her crew and taking off by herself, but those dudes had everything under control so no bones to pick there. Although Danys could have at least taken her girl, What’s Her Name, with her. They did seem to have a Thelma and Louise moment right before Drogon showed up. It’s cute. They’re like Taylor Swift and Selina Gomez. #girlpower #girlsruntheworld
Short memory I guess.
But let’s not lose sight of what we all want when it comes to Daenerys…HER TO GET THE HELL OUT OF MEREEN. So on the plus side, it definitely seemed like this could be what gets her moving and you have to think that Tyrion’s first official word of advice to her now that’s he on the payroll would be “Yeah, we should really get the hell out of here.”
Let’s hope she listens.
And doesn’t have Grey Scale.
And never dimes out her friends like that again.
2. The Homies of the Wall
Ouch. Kind of a cool welcome home for Jon. Guys, he is your boss. Maybe at least pretend to be happy to see him? Brothers of the Night’s Watch aren’t much for putting on a happy face and rolling with the punches. At least no one had an ominous warning for him or anything.
Oh, never mind.
Well that dude is an idiot. The White Walkers are going to kill everyone, not Jon’s tender heart.
3. Ain’t No Party Like a Stannis Party Cause a Stannis Party is Hot, Hot Hot!
The Pros & Cons of Burning Your Daughter Alive to Appease the Red God:
– get on the God’s good side (it’s his left in pictures)
– keep your shorty on the side (Melissandre) happy
– no leeches this time, which is cool because leeches are gross
– you burned your daughter
– your men think you’re a psychopath
– no really, she was your daughter
– no Father’s Day present
We’ll see if it works out. I guess it did last time when they used leeches and sucked the blood out of Gendry. Robb Stark died and so did Joffrey. Not a bad track record for the leeches. Although I’m not totally sure why they had to step it up this time and burn Shireen. They couldn’t have just sucked her blood like before? Did they not have any leeches? Did Stannis really kill his only daughter because some ass clown forgot the leeches? Fire someone then, don’t kill your daughter. And maybe eat something, Stannis. You’re not looking so good these days.
4. Over in Essos: It’s Arya Time!
I really hope that at some point in her Faceless Man training Arya learns how to play it cool a little better and not look so suspicious. Girl needs it. Bad. Her eyes are like giant signs that say “I’m up to something.”
Oh and prepare yourself because there’s definitely a good chance she gets close to Ser Meryn by posing as a prostitute.
5. Jaime & Bronn’s
Excellent Incredibly Poorly-Planned Adventure
What the hell is going on here? What’s the point of even wasting time in Dorne? To admire the architecture? Done. I did that in the first episode.
Chalk this whole debacle as disappointing. Whether it’s Jaime and Bronn’s wild ride or the inclusion of Dorne as a whole. Going into this season it definitely looked dope and promising. But that’s out the window now. Now it’s become something that I wish was it’s own show; a show I’d forget about and then catch up randomly while feeding my daughter.