After being slightly detoured by shows like the Americans and the returns of Mad Men and Game of Thrones, the home office of Giddy Up America finally wrapped up the third season of House of Cards. The season was ultimately like Kevin Spacey’s southern accent- uneven. Not bad, though. I think overall I was cool with it.
And here are twenty other things I think about House of Cards‘ third season…
Caution, there will be spoilers if you haven’t finished the third season yet.
1. The people behind House of Cards drastically overestimated how much I care about Doug Stamper, his recovery and his sobriety.
2. Now President Frank Underwood went from Just an Asshole to Wow! Total Asshole on the Asshole Scale this season.
3. Oh and his hair got more gray as the season went on. Nice touch.
4. Speaking of hair, Robin Wright looks much better blond than it did dark. Although in fairness, that’s like saying a 76 degree day is better than a 75 degree day.
5. And speaking of Claire, come on, the whole UN Ambassador thing? That was a stretch- even for a show like House of Cards, which is a show based on a feeble pillow fort of stretches.
6. It’s as if the show’s creators have an incredibly naive view of politics. Why can’t the President just put everyone to work? All he’d have to do was create a program, raid FEMA and boom, jobs!
7. Wouldn’t raiding FEMA under a bullshit pretense like declaring unemployment a natural disaster be an impeachable offense? Seems like it would. Although in the world of House of Cards, only a senator like Senator Frank Underwood would have the gumption to force an impeachment of President Frank Underwood for doing such a thing.
8. What is the timeline for this show- like how much time passes? It seems like Jackie got married pretty quickly.
9. No really, Frank’s a dick this season.
10. So Doug’s looking for that girl Rachel because he hired her back in season one to tempt and in effect, derail Peter Russo’s career. She knows enough to point a finger at Doug if anyone ever suspected Underwood of having something to do with Russo’s death (which he did remember? He killed that dude!) So Doug then spent season two keeping tabs on Rachel, eventually developing a weird, dependancy-soaked crush on her before getting the order to take care of her by Underwood. In the process though, Rachel gets the upper hand and leaves Doug for dead in the Maryland (or Virginia) woods. Season three has Rachel in the wind and Doug dogging that computer hacker dude to find her. I think that sums it up.
11. Oh and then Doug kills Rachel. But not just kills her, but kills her and buries her in the desert. Oh and he’s the current Chief of Staff for the President while doing this which asks the question, do you expense this trip or is everything paid for on the company Amex?
12. If you’re keeping count, the President has killed two people, the Chief of Staff has killed one person. So for what’s it worth, House of Cards is not a believable show.
13. I really wanted the writer Thomas, the one charged with writing a book about America Works, at some point to bust out the Mickey Doyle accent.
14. Over/under the number of times that the First Lady and the Secretary of State have played Flip Cup in the White House?
15. Remember when Pussy Riot was on the show? Yeah, that was weird.
16. Hey it’s the dude who owned that rib joint! And now he’s on the White House grounds crew. Isn’t that wonderful?
17. If Frank Underwood was on Game of Thrones, he’d totally be a Lannister.
19. A season highlight was definitely when Jackie turned on Frank. I really liked the late season surge of girl power. Unexpected.
20. An Underwood house divided cannot stand…or will it?