14 Maybes for 2014 Revisted

Looking back at my 14 maybes of 2014.

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32At the start of 2014, I outlined 14 maybes for 2014. They were not resolutions. They were maybes. As in, maybe I’ll do this, maybe I’ll do that.

Now as 2014 winds down, let’s revisit my 14 maybes.

1. Maybe I’ll grow a beard.

I did not grow a beard. I still can’t get past the itchiness that comes with day four. But my day three scruff is on point. Yet on a related note, I did join the Dollar Shave Club. What the shit? How is everyone not doing this? The fact that razor blades are so expensive baffles me. That and the inability to modify plane reservations are life’s two greatest mysteries in my opinion. But this DSC game- like my day three scruff, it’s on point. Four razors a month, not even $10, plus a fun little sample of something swanky. Thank you Internet for allowing things like the Dollar Shave Club to exist. Kudos to you.

2. Maybe I’ll learn how to play the ukelele.

Nope.

3. Maybe I’ll learn how to change my own oil…of my car.

Also nope.

4. Maybe I’ll finish A People’s History of the United States.

Forgot about this one. So, no. But I did read a A Spy Among Friends: Kim Philby and the Great Betrayal. It was really good. I highly recommend it. It’s the true story of a British spy named Kim (a dude) who was also a Russian spy from the start of World War I until the ’50’s. He duped everyone, especially his best friend who was his most loyal defender (and also a spy, but only for England.)

5. Maybe I’ll get a manicure.

Ha. I did. And a pedicure! It was wonderful. Men, your women are hiding a glorious slice of enjoyment from you! Although, it got a little dicey. My feet, they’re very ticklish. So long story short, the pedicure was borderline dangerous for the gal working on me. I almost booted her in the face three times. Right smack in the kisser. I’m not sure there is a amount of dollar bills that will make that okay.

6. Maybe I’ll learn how to cook something besides chicken.

Negative.

7. Maybe I’ll learn how to tie a tie.

Positive! Thanks YouTube!

8. Maybe I’ll eat more avocados.

More like maybe I’ll realize avocados freak me out and I’ll divorce myself from them completely.

9. Maybe I’ll make pulled pork burritos.

Sadly, no. But dude, they still sound delicious.

10. Maybe I’ll start doing push ups each morning. Like 20 of them.

Uh, can I blame shoulder surgery for not doing this?

11. Maybe I’ll buy a fishing pole and start fishing.

Nope. Although I feel like I had a dream where I bought a fishing pole. So that’s close. Fishing seems like something I could get down with a little while down the road, when I’m older.

12. Maybe I’ll join a cover band.

I can blame shoulder surgery for not doing this one.

13. Maybe I’ll try a red wine besides Cabernet Sauvignon.

Yeah, what up Malbec! I also went wine tasting for the first time and only once made the joke- this one tastes like a red. I could easily make a case for the free & endless supply as Goldfish being the best part of the whole experience.

14. Maybe I’ll change my mind about playing fantasy football next year.

I still played. But I…no, I can’t lie to you. I never once thought about not playing. Even though this year has been as rough as last year. I still played. I didn’t really regret it and I’ll play again next year. I do think that a change needs to be made to take into account that running backs are the least reliable commodity out there. Without fail every week, a running back comes off the bench, runs for 100+ yards and a couple touchdowns, is quickly snatched up by someone and then without fail, falls back to Earth the following week. You used to build your team around running backs. Now? I would say there are at least eight to ten dudes you need to have on your team to have a chance: Aaron Rodgers, Gronk, Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, Drew Brees, Calvin Johnson, Jimmy Graham, Adrian Peterson (yeah, no,) and maybe, just maybe Andrew Luck. I’m not counting DeMarco Murray because even though he was a stud this year, he most likely won’t be next year and A.J. Green due to the existence of one Andy Dalton. Although it should be noted that my fantasy football track record is sorely lacking at best, so take this advice with a grain of salt, sand, or whatever that saying is.

Bonus Maybe: Maybe I’ll get that paint stain off our driveway.

What stain?

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