Shimmy Shimmy Ya: the Screw You Fantasy Football edition

fantasy-footballNo one wants to hear about your fantasy football team.

It’s a declaration as old as fantasy football itself. When fantasy football started back in the day- either in some dork’s dorm room or someone named Joe’s garage, the following weekend no wants to hear about your fantasy football team was spoken for the very first time.

But is that true?

Do you know not want to hear about someone else’s fantasy football team?

I’ll give you three seconds to think about it.

One, two, three.

You didn’t need all three seconds to answer that because no, no you don’t want to hear about someone’s fantasy football team. If anything, the only reason why you’d want to is because it serves as an unofficial invitation to talk about your own team. And for as much as we definitely don’t want to hear about your team, we definitely want to talk about ours. We want to lament the loss of a running back to season-ending injury, crow some about that late round draft pick who’s bringing home double-digit points every week, and beam proudly about the stellar and consistent production of our defense. We really want to brag a little bit about that risky and questionable at the time waiver pick up and wonder aloud if playing Player X versus Team Y is really all that crazy of a move.

We want to talk about all of these things. But at the same time, we want to hear about none of these things.

No one wants to hear about your fantasy football team.

So with that being said, let me throw this out there- fantasy football is sucking a dolphin’s wanger for me this year. Currently four of my five running backs are injured, the other one is on a bye, but he’s been shit anyway. I have two decent quarterbacks, both ranked in the top 10, but I routinely start the wrong one. The team that has a modest financial commitment attached to it is a straight up dumpster fire; the team with mere sheckles tagged to it is doing fine, just fine. Fantasy football is pooping all over my Tuesday mornings.

No one wants to hear about your fantasy football team.

I could have been talking about anything there!

But fine, you don’t want to hear about it, I don’t particularly want to talk about it. Instead, I want to blast some music to lighten my mood.

Giddy Up America’s Eff You Fantasy Football Playlist

Tracklist…

“Ezy Ryder” Jimi Hendrix
“Touch the Sky” Kanye West/Lupe Fiasco
“Caught Me Thinkin'” Bahamas
“Hacienda Motel” Pickwick
“Casino” Houndmouth
“Hail, Hail” Shovels & Rope
“Somebody Else” JJ Grey & Mofro
“Our Day Will Come” Amy Winehouse
“Crying” TV on the Radio
“2000 Beyond” J Dilla/Questlove
“Juicebox” The Strokes
“Rock ‘n Roll Star” Oasis
“Backwoods Company” The Wild Feathers
“Halloweenhead” Ryan Adams
“Misunderstood” Tedeschi Trucks Band
“Luckiest Man” The Wood Brothers
“Angel of Small Death & the Codeine Scene” Hozier
“Birth in Reverse” St. Vincent
“Smile – Mark Ronson Remix” Lily Allen

 

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