Have you ever stayed at a party for too long? Like past the point when the keg is kicked, someone is passed out in the one bathroom and those sketchy dudes with the nose clams have shown up? It’s an ugly scene and one that only gets uglier the closer to sunrise it gets. We’ve all been there and we all wish we hadn’t.
Up north at Crastor’s Keep, the party that was the Night’s Watch Spring Break and Frustration-Driven Rebellion was bound to reach that point of no return.
They went from this:
It all goes down hill from there.
So…on to to the Power Rankings!
Giddy Up America’s Game of Thrones Plot Line Power Rankings: Week Four
At Least Jon Snow Knows Something Now/Team Vision Quest
I went back and forth on what plot line should be ranked first this week- the action up north or the action down south. In the end it came down to the White Walkers.
But first, let’s talk some Castle Black drama.
Poor Jon Snow, getting played like a fiddle by the acting head honchos of the Night’s Watch. Popularity really is a son of a biscuit and it’s Jon’s popularity that got him the go ahead to travel north, bring a band of regulators with him and kill the rogue Night’s Watch bros living it up at Craster’s Keep. Now is Jon all about heading north because he wants to kill his back-stabbing brothers or because he wants to find his not-walking brother, Bran, who by Jon’s estimation, is most likely in that neighborhood? I’d say it’s split 50/50. Either way, that’s where he’s headed and he’s not alone. Roose Bolton’s number one hand-cutter-offer Locke has very quickly infiltrated the Watch and offers to come along for the ride. You can’t just be some geek off the street to join the Watch, you need devious facial hair and a penchant for kicking ass- both of which Locke has. So he’s in. In trying times, the Night’s Watch apparently skips background checks.
So what exactly is Locke in for? A trip north, yo! Lovely this time of year. Unless you are on of the following:
A woman in Craster’s Keep
A dire wolf (either locked up or being brain-washed)
A baby boy
Other than that, good times all around! Plenty of skulls to drink wine out of and glorious woods to take ponderous strolls in. Jon and his crew will have their work cut out for them when they get there. Those dudes aren’t going to go quietly.
And speaking of quiet dudes, welcome back White Walkers! We even got a glimpse of the White Walkers’ governing body. I gotta say, I love how Game of Thrones uses the White Walkers. Just when you’ve forgotten about them, they come back. They aren’t over-used, just perfectly used. I still maintain this show is ultimately going to be about the battle of humans versus Walkers, so I get icy pangs of excitement every time we see them.
So do the babies grow up to be bearded walkers or if a baby is turned into a walker by the White Walkers’ Governing Body Association (WWGBA,) does he become like a super walker or something? And what are the Rogue Watch Crew doing with Jon’s wolf, Ghost?
I don’t know, man. But between the walkers, Mance Rayder’s army and the Night’s Watch, this plot line is the sneaky good plot line of the show.
It’s Always Sunny in King’s Landing
Never mess with Gram. That was the lesson learned this week when it was revealed that Littlefinger didn’t conspire to kill Joffrey by himself, he was acting in tandem with Granny Tyrell…and props to Buzzfeed for being right about it. Pretty simple move in her eyes- she knew Joffrey was a psycho and didn’t want that psycho marrying her granddaughter. Makes sense to me! Get yours, Granny! And she wasn’t done there- one minute spilling the beans to Margaery and the next, dropping some knowledge on how to win over her next future King husband, Tommen, as if any extra help was needed. Like really, is Tommen even fifteen? All Mags needs to do is wink at him and he’s sold. Sure it’s kind of creepy, but whatever! It’s Game of Thrones. If it ain’t kind of creepy, it ain’t kind of love.
Creepy Love poster children Jaime and Cersei have certainly seen better days and for some reason, Jaime raping/not raping Cersei didn’t make things better. Oddly enough, they made them worse. Oh that Cersei is a merciless she devil with a few drinks in her. I can’t wait for Tyrion’s trial just to see how she handles herself. And when she finds out that Margaery is already sinking her spicy meat hooks into Tommen? Oh man, there won’t be enough Dornish wine in King’s Landing to take that edge off.
No Tywin this week. Bummer.
But there was plenty of Jaime. After last week, we’re forced to ask- good Jaime or bad Jaime? It was good Jaime. I don’t know if last week was just a hiccup or just his true self rearing it’s ugly head, but the Jaime that has developed over the past two seasons was back this week. Noble Jaime is much preferred. I don’t think I’m alone there and he’s still a front runner for Wild Card of this season.
How the East Was Won & Dragons Were Tamed
Man, puppy love is all over the place in Dragon town. First it was Ser Jorah makes googly eyes at Daenerys since like forever, then Darrio 1 and Darrio 2 spitting game at her like a boss and now, that cheeky monkey Grey Worm and Missandei are using Common Tongue lessons as flirting sessions. It’s adorable. Well, until you remember Grey Worm is sans-man hood. Then it’s kind of sad. But then still kind of adorable. Meanwhile old man Barristan is sitting in the corner, doing crossword puzzles and listening to baseball games on AM radio. He’s still pissed the Dodgers left Brooklyn. Get over old man! You still have the Mets and the Yankees!
But the best Danys-related part of last night’s episode?
It was in the preview of next week’s episode when she starts talking about taking King’s Landing. Finally!
Sansa in the Wind
Semi-related, I’m st0ked that finally, finally, the Stark band is close to getting back together- what’s left of them at least. Both Sansa and Arya are headed to the Eyrie and Jon is headed to Craster’s Keep, where Bran is. It’s crazy to think that these poor kids have spent the majority of the series apart from one another. So close, so close to being back together. I’m keeping my fingers crossed.
And then what if this happens- what if Brienne finds Sansa right when Arya and the Hound find Sansa. And the Hound is kind of a dick about everything, refusing to give up the girls because homeboy wants that cheddar. Then, in some super cool setting like the show has been known to do, we have a Brienne and the Hound fight to the death. Winner gets to keep the Stark girls. I’m all in for this. #teambrienne
See you next week.