The fourth season of Downton Abbey wrapped up last night. It was a heck of a night- hi jinks, shenanigans, cultural missteps, finger foods, beach days! But perhaps the craziest takeaway from last night was how happy everything was, how a season that started on such a bum note pulled it around and ended up with everyone feeling just fan-effin’-tastic about things. Not bad for a season consisting of a rape, an ill-timed pregnancy and dehydrated pigs.
Let’s see what the Downton Abbey Stock Market looks like at the end of season four. You can check out past market updates HERE.
Whose Stock is Rising?
Lady Mary 2.0
First off, let’s just go ahead and name Mary the Most Valuable Player of this season. Mary 2.0 has easily become my favorite character on the show. Is there anything she can’t do? Tackle racial issues, tackle modernizing Downton, tackle a casual B & E. With undertones creeping around the fringes of last night’s episode about a changing of the tide when it comes to the old ways and new ways, I can’t help but think that Downton is going to become Mary’s show. This is something I’m totally cool with. A year ago, I thought the death of Matthew was going to be the worst thing to happen to Mary, but it’s turned out to be the best thing. Really the only person it was bad for was the truck driver whose truck knocked Matthew off the road. That dude is most likely in the clink for life. No more tea for you sir. Or ma’am. Because hey now, if we’ve taken away anything from Mary’s ascent this season it’s that dude, the ladies can do man things to.
Branson has spent a good chunk of this season trying to find his place in the world. Not an easy task when that world is as tight-lipped and rigid as the world at 1 Downton Way. Side note: how many times a day does mail get delivered to the Abbey? But anyway, props to Tom for making a life for himself at Downton. No one wanted Tom to go to America. He’d get chewed up and spit out if he went over there. Going forward, he’s going to provide an interesting perspective on the changing times of the mid-20’s in England and I think that’s incredibly valuable. He also learned a good lesson- that creep Thomas is always watching. Always. Like probably when you’re sleeping and definitely probably when you’re getting changed. But hey, you know that now- good thing going forward.
Mr. Drew the Pig Farmer
Listen, I’m grateful to my current employer for giving me the job I have. But I’m not sure I’m so grateful that I’d be cool with taking a “friend” of my current employer’s baby as Mr. Drew the Pig Farmer did this week. He’s obviously a much better man than me and he totally knew that the “friend” Edith mentioned was her. It’s true what they say about pig farmers, really hard to squeak one by them.
The Next Potential Downton Abbey Spinoff: The Mad & Daft Adventures of Lady Mary and Lady Rose
The first potential spin off is Tea Time, featuring Ms. Patmore and Mrs. Hughes. This one will obviously be a little more lighthearted, classy and more geographically based. Those ladies have adventures all over the globe! Can anything stop them? Hell no!
Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes
The rocks of Downton wading into the frigid waters of the ocean was both delightful and in my opinion, wildly symbolic. Two beacons and stalwarts of the old way, slowly trudging into the cold water as the tide & waves make their way towards them. That my friend is symbolism. Beautiful, heart-warming symbolism.
She gives great love advice, she’s a mean cook and like me, she likes to eat ice cream on the beach. I think we might be soul mates.
Lady Mary might be my favorite character on the show, but Molesly might be the one I root for the most.
Martha Levinson, soothsayer.
For the most part, the arrival of Cora’s mother from America was kind of anti-climactic. But then she had this exchange with the Dowager and everything changed:
Martha: “Violet, forgive me, and I don’t mean to be offensive, but are you always this stuck-up?”
Violet: “Do tell me, do tell me: is the new Lady Aysgarth all set to hold London enthralled with tales of how the West was won?”
Martha: “I turned him down. You see, I have no wish to be a great lady.”
Violet: “A decision that must be reinforced whenever you look in the glass.”
Martha: “Violet, I don’t mind looking in the mirror because what I see is a woman who’s not afraid of the future. My world is coming nearer and your world is slipping further and further away.”
Boom. And with that we move onwards to season five.
But first…more upward trending stocks!
The Grantham Family Schemers
So let’s get this straight, the Prince of Wales wrote a scandalous note to someone and that note was stolen by that sketchy dude who was schooled in cards by Gregson back at Downton. This gets back to the Granthams via Rose, who is kind of, sort of responsible because she mentioned the note while getting her flapper on. The Granthams then have no choice but to get the note back. The fate of the monarchy depends on it! They put together a plan Danny Ocean would be proud of in a matter of minutes and spring to action. Diversionary card games! Forgery! Ransacking! All that was missing some music by St. Germain and it would have been a real, proper caper. A for effort, though.
We can only wonder how different America would have turned out if someone as sweet as Daisy had come our way.
The Dowager Countess
The only rule of the Downton Abbey Stock Market: the Dowager’s stock is always rising.
I’m on Team Blake when it comes to picking sides in the battle for Mary’s heart. Us short dudes have to stick together.
The Theme Song to Downton Abbey
The show’s theme song was always great. But then it allowed this to happen and became even better.
Whose Stock is Falling?
MTV Spring Break: England
Was probably never on the top of any co-ed’s list before this week’s episode, but still, frolicking in the sand in a three-piece suit? Come on. That sounds terrible, absolutely terrible.
Dude, where are you? If you hooking up with Edith was just a way for you to ditch your wife and start a new life in Germany, you could have you know, just ditched your wife and gone to Germany.
Bates went from chivalrous to shady in less time than it takes Ms. Patmore to convince Daisy not to shank Ivy in the back hallway. And dude, eight months??? You keep a possibly massively incriminating train ticket in your jacket pocket for eight months? That’s bush league, Mr. Bates. What, you learned forgery in prison, but not any of the basics of Covering Your Tracks 101? You’re better that that, sir. Or at least I thought so.
I can’t remember what it was he knew about Mrs. Baxter that he used as ammunition for her tell him all the juicy gossip coming from Cora’s room, but I also don’t care. If Thomas is really the villain of this show, let’s make him the Villain of the Show. I’m taking a mustache he can twirl, a pocket knife and a maniacal laugh. Enough beating around the bush here, Julian Fellows. Make it happen.
Don’t let the door kick you on the way out, girl friend.
He’s just a squirrel trying to get a nut. But just doing so with the grace and tact of a sea otter.
I will literally give you ten dollars if you can convince me this dude isn’t a creep.
Toughs & Ruffians
First we had a “ruffian” come in and rape Anna and then a gang of toughs in brown shirts beat up Gregson. The outside world isn’t kind to those who wander into it from the friendly confines of 1 Downton Way. Oh and the gang of German toughs in brown shirts? Are those Nazis?
Whose Stock is Standing Pat?
Cora: the model of consistency
Lord Grantham: down a lot, up a little, to the side just enough.
Isobel: in a constant decent upwards, but with rocket ship potential if she gets her groove back in between seasons.
Anna: not a great season for Mrs. Bates
Edith: sucks when the whole middle child thing sticks, even though there’s only two of you still alive.