Field Trip: Jetspocolpyse

photo 1It was a super duper delightful fall Sunday complete with endless blue skies, warm fall sun and the wafting scent of over-flowing porta potties. The aroma smelt like the color brown.

It’s football, baby!

New England Patriots versus the New York Jets at Met Life Stadium (“we still call it Giants Stadium,” my buddy Bryan, a Giants’ fan, had said.) The Patriots coming in hobbled but leading the division. The Jets looking to prove the doubters (and at the beginning of the season there were a lot of them) wrong. Free tickets. Let’s do this.

Five Takeaways from the Patriots/Jets’ Game

1. Cheerleaders? We don’t need no stinkin’ cheerleaders.
Seeing an NFL game live really emphasizes the pointlessness of cheerleaders at the games. Yeah they’re there, down in the corners, doing routines and cheers for the two rows in front of them. For the rest of the stadium? Not so much.

2. Crowd noise? We don’t need no stinkin’ crowd noise.
Here’s a fun fact, the Jets pump in crowd noise. Unless of course there’s a jock jams CD out there with a version of “Seven Nation Army” complete with the crowd noise. You know the part, the Oh, Oh Oh Oh Oh, Oooooh part. That’s very possible and if that’s the case, I apologize.

photo 23. Class? We don’t need no stinkin’ class.
Jets’ fans (the majority of them at least, I do know a few Jets’ fans who are good people) are terrible human beings. In the second quarter when the Patriots’ were making the game look like a potential rout, they were lifeless. Sulking in their beers and giving surly looks to any Patriots’ fan who happened to be sitting by them. In the third quarter though, when the momentum had completely flipped and the Jets were in control the fans came alive- dry humping each other, mimicking ejaculation on Pats’ fans and rallying around a guy in a Saw mask, who spent more time trying to get people to say they liked his mask than he did watching the game.

Needless to say, I wasn’t surprised when I saw this tweet:

And then this video…

Jets’ fans reek of a massive inferiority complex coupled with heaping doses of bluster, self-righteousness and entitlement. And I’m well aware of the fact that if you asked a Jets’ fan to describe a Patriots’ fan, they’d use similar language. But that doesn’t make them right. Because they’re not. They’re wrong. The chip on the shoulder of Jets’ fans is larger than the bellies of most of their fans.

It makes going to their games a less than pleasurable experience.

Especially when your team loses.

4. House of Pain? We don’t need no stinkin’ House of Pain.
Whoever was in charge of music at The Stadium Formerly Known as Giants Stadium constantly couldn’t decide what song to play. “Jump Around” was started roughly 18 times before it was finally played with a few minutes left in the fourth quarter. And who would have thought that so many drunken middle age men in Sanchez jerseys would love “I Don’t Care” so much?

5. Blimp Ride? Hell no I don’t need no stinkin’ blimp ride.
I would never ride in a blimp. Never. I never really thought about it before yesterday.

We had left our seats at the start of overtime and had made it down to the 200 sections by the time the Pats had failed to score on the first possession. While standing there, watching from the entrance to section 200-something and craning my neck in various directions to see the field, a security guard turned to me and pointed up to the sky, to the Met Life blimp that was flying overhead. Would you ever ride in one of those? He asked me. I didn’t even have to think. No way. The security guard then turned to his buddy, also a security guard, and told him what I said. Apparently my input but an end to their to-ride or not-to-ride a blimp debate.

And then the game ended.

Giddy Up America’s Astute Analysis of the Actual Game

The Patriots lost because

The offense was a dumpster fire in the second half.
The defense couldn’t stop the run.
The Jets scored and/or made a play when they needed to and the Pats didn’t.

The Jets won because…

A little-known and little-enforced rule erased a missed Jets’ field goal in overtime, giving them a second chance.
Their defensive line dominated the Pats’ offensive line.
Geno Smith kept coming through.

So that’s that.

Go Red Sox.

Categories: Sports, Travels

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