Game of Thrones’ Plot Lines Power Rankings: Week Four

Ranking the numerous plot lines in season three of Game of Thrones

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game-of-thrones-season-3-rattleshirtLast week’s power rankings started at number 3 as the plot lines surrounding Daenerys and the Night’s Watch stole the show. This week’s episode, “Kissed by the Fire,” is a totally different ball game. Parity has engulfed the power rankings, with plot lines 1 through 6 neck and neck and with very little separating them.

Giddy Up America’s Game of Thrones’ Plot Lines Power Rankings: Week 4

1a. As King’s Landing Turns
1b. Tyrion’s Second Act

Much like the two oldest Lannister children, these two plot lines have become uncomfortably intertwined. Tyrion is back to being a role player this season, so much so that Grandma Tyrell said as much during their scene together. She used the phrase “brow-beaten,” which no matter how you slice it, isn’t a positive. Last season Tyrion walked around King’s Landing with Bronn in tow. This season? He’s lugging around a ledger of King’s Landing finances. Not nearly as exciting. Thankfully he has THE WORLD’S WORST DAD, so don’t worry- things are about to get more interesting for Tyrion.

And I’m serious, Tywin puts show business parents to shame. He’d own Dance Moms and probably thinks that Tanning Mom from New Jersey did nothing wrong when she endangered her child while putting her a tanning bed. Twyin dropped a bomb at the end of the episode when he announced his plan for his children, which apparently was what he was writing so feverishly about in last week’s episode. Tyrion is going to marry Sansa and Cersei is going to marry Loras, because even though everyone knows Loras is a huge fan of sword play, it’s not stopping them from trying to marry him off to a female. This is a strategic move for the Lannisters- marrying Tyrion to Sansa gets them the north and marrying Cersei to Loras gets them whatever lands the Tyrell’s own.

It’s win, win!

Well except for Tyrion and Cersei.

And Sansa of course.

Bwah, bwah.

2. The King of the North’s Honeymoon

Finally.

After four episodes of basically doing nothing, Robb Stark, King of the North, finally has himself a plan. He’s going to take his recently depleted army and invade Lannisport, home of the Lannisters. It was refreshing to see Robb come to life again. I’m not going to say he’s gone soft since getting married, but come on, the determined Robb of season two has been M.I.A. up until this point.

Godspeed Robb. Nice to have you back.

3. A Stark in the Woods- Part One: Arya

I love Game of Thrones for a variety of reasons. One of which is the show’s ability to do something routine and spice it up. For instance, a sword fight to the death seems interesting enough. But wait, let’s have one dude’s sword be on fire. That’s even better!


That’s Game of Thrones in a nutshell. The show is a good restaurant- good food, good service, good atmosphere and all, but just done a little better than the joint next door.

As for Arya, she realizes she’s a hostage and on her way to Riverrun to meet up with Robb. Her bestie is staying behind, sticking it out with the Brothers Without Banners, so she’s on her own. I’d say the odds of her actually linking up with Robb at 30%. However the odds of her not being able to keep her mouth shut resulting in her getting into trouble are 99.4%.

4. Jon Snow’s Adventures Beyond the Wall

Apparently Jon Snow knows something.

5. The Odd Couple- Brienne & Jaime

Goddamn you Game of Thrones! Stop making me feel sorry for Jaime Lannister. At this rate we’ll all be cheering for Joffrey by season five.

6. Daenerys & Her Dragons

It was going to be hard for Daenerys to top last week’s performance, regardless of what she did. So if anything, it was nice to see her at least maintaining in her role as the show’s newest bad ass. I keep going back to the fact that no one else seems to know what she’s up to. It really makes you start to question the reliability of ravens as the main form of long distance communication.

I like the blossoming squabbling brother dynamic forming between Jorah and Selmy. I give it two more episodes before they’re having a fight to the death themselves. With a little luck, we can get George Bluth to film it.


Let’s keep our fingers crossed.

7. Stannis “The B Stand for Plan B” Baratheon

So…let’s all make a pact here. Next time we find ourselves asking, why is Stannis so darn cranky, let’s remember three things:

  1. His wife keeps the three fetus’ of the boys she gave birth to in jars in her room
  2. His daughter is locked in what looks like a tower and has scales (?) on one side of her face
  3. He threw the only dude who was real with him in the slammer

Cool.

8. A Stark in King’s Landing: Sansa

Oy vey, Sansa. Sansa is making worse life decisions than Amanda Bynes.

9. The Night’s Watch Adventures Beyond the Wall

Exclusive footage of the Night’s Watch:

10. A Stark in the Woods- Part Two: Bran & Rickon

In his latest dream, Bran saw how bored I was getting with his plot and decided to take a week off.

11. So…who’s torturing Theon?

Maybe this guy?

Photos: HBO

 

 

 

 

 

 

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