By my count, there are roughly
eleven twelve different plot lines going on in season three of Game of Thrones. Eleven twelve! If Seinfeld was a show about nothing, than Game of Thrones is a show about everything.
All of these plot lines is why the first two episodes of this season have felt more like parts one and two of a season premiere. The producers of the show needed that time just to re-introduce everyone and remind us what they’re up to. So don’t hate on the production of team because the episodes might appear to be boring. They’re just doing the work. You’ll be thankful in a couple episodes.
In an attempt to keep things organized, here is the first week of Giddy Up America’s Game of Thrones’ Plot Lines Power Rankings. This list will be updated every week.
1. Tyrion’s Second Act: Tyrion is a little in the weeds this season, having been ousted as Hand of the King and left to do…wait, what exactly is he doing besides smooching with Shay? I’m not sure. But I’m interested. I’m very interested. I was all in on Tyrion before he became such a big part of the show. His relationship with Bronn is one of my top 3 favorite bromances on television right now.
2. Jon Snow’s Adventures Beyond the Wall: Jon has successfully infiltrated Mance Rayder’s rag tag gang of Northern clans and his next move is…is…Jon Snow what is your next move? A good part of me thinks that Jon himself doesn’t even know.
3. The Night’s Watch Adventures Beyond the Wall: The Night’s Watch themselves might not be that interesting, but their adventures up north are. I feel this whole White Walker thing is the elephant in the room for Game of Thrones and has to be important because the series started with the White Walkers and then last season, a season where a shitload of shit happened, ended with the White Walkers. They only appear in small doses, but that doesn’t mean they’re any less of a big deal. I’m interested to see how successful the Night’s Watch are at letting the southerners know about their angry neighbors to the north.
4. Daenerys & Her Dragons: Speaking of elephants in the room, Danys & her dragons, in addition to the White Walkers seem to be the real threat to Westeros. Only barely anyone in Westeros knows about either one. I blame the ravens. Ravens are the pagers of Westeros- unreliable and out of date. Time to graduate to burners people!
5. The Odd Couple- Brienne & Jaime: The last thing Game of Thrones needs right now is a spin-off. But if they were inclined, a spin off centered around Brienne and Jamie wandering the countryside would be comedy gold.
6. As King’s Landing Turns: Joffrey’s reign of terror, Cersei’s reign of terror, the Tyrell’s reign of I’m not sure what. Barely enough time to even wonder what kind of hijinks Tywin, Varys and Little Finger are up to. But it’s most likely no good. A show solely about the goings on in Kings Landing would be more than entertaining. The fact that it’s just a part of Game of Thrones is part of what makes the show so fantastical.
7. A Stark in the Woods- Part One: The adventures of Arya, the girl dressed up like a boy who everyone totally knows is a girl who just met the Brotherhood without Borders and was called out by the Hound, himself a man kind of on the run after dipping out of the Battle of Blackwater because of a strong aversion to fire. And probably Joffrey. And actually probably all of the Lannisters. Arya finds pickles better than Renly used to.
8. A Stark in the Woods- Part Two: The two adventures of the two youngest Starks, Bran & Rickon, who are heading to the Wall to find Jon, even though Jon isn’t there. Probably nobody’s there. That would have been a bummer if they hadn’t recently gotten sidetracked by Hansel & Gretel. Apparently Bran has magic powers. Good. Now he can figure out what the hell Hodor is trying to say.
9. The King of the North’s Honeymoon: So is Robb still planning on invading King’s Landing? They haven’t really mentioned that much. Instead we know he has dissent in the ranks, bad intel about his brothers (again, stupid effin’ ravens,) a new wife no one seems to like even though she’s delightful and a mother he’s lugging around in chains. And poor Catelyn, all she wants is her kids back. I like Robb. Like him a lot. But it seems that homeboy needs a solid number two to help him out and help plot his next move.
10. Stannis “The B Stand for Plan B” Baratheon: So you unsuccessfully tried to invade King’s Landing, kill the king and take the Iron Throne. What do you do now Stannis- besides throw your bestie in the slammer and stare into more fire because the hot lady in red told you too?
11. A Stark in King’s Landing: Poor Sansa. Listen to Shay, girl friend. Not Little Finger. What are the odds she’s the next Stark to die? 10 to 1?
12. So…who’s torturing Theon?: And then there’s poor Theon. Last season he went from stooge, to sympathetic stooge, to over-aggressive stooge, to whopped in the head it’s time to go home stooge. Now he’s being tortured. Tough break, buddy.