Astute Baseball Analysis: Week One

Three days in is more than enough time to make bold (and rash) proclamations about baseball. There will be more to come. This column will run once a week until October.

So here we go. Week One.

Yu Darvish throws a near-perfect game. Dice K sulks. Japan goes .500.

Bryce Harper won’t hit 600 homers this year. That’s crazy. He’ll hit 564.

The Nationals will make D.C. forget about the Wizards. The basketball team, not an actual wizard. You don’t forget about people like that. They don’t let you.

Red Sox are undefeated! Take that Bobby V.

Ryan Howard would be a questionable hitter in a wiffle ball game. But on the plus side, his swing creates enough wind to power a small town in eastern Pennsylvania.

The Astros are wondering if they should have switched to the California Penal League as opposed to the American League.

America will turn on the Rays, but only after Evan Longoria punches a baby. Until then, America’s darlings.

Clayton Kershaw is better at baseball than you.

Half the Blue Jays were Marlins last year and the Marlins were terrible. That seems important to remember.

The Mets won. That too will be important to remember.

Give it time. Jay Z will have a team in Brooklyn.

Do the Upton brothers get along? And is the tomahawk chop offensive? How many people on the Braves are zombies?

A Rod has feelings.

Mustaches don’t make a player great. They make them entertaining.

Photos: MLB




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