What is this, week three of Bachelor in Paradise? Honestly, the two nights in a row thing really messes with your perception of time. I feel like this show has been on forever, but it hasn’t, but it also kind of has because you know, two episodes a week. That’s four hours of partially sun-stroked madness. Is it too much partially sun-stroked madness, though? Do we honestly need four hours of Bachelor in Paradise a week?

I mean, maybe?

I can’t decide if I want more or less of this beautiful creature of a television show. On the one hand, it’s a lot of time to dedicate to one show each week. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there is a lot of television out there. Bachelor in Paradise is definitely taking up a lot of choice real estate at a time when the market is effin’ popping. I need to make sure I’m caught up on This Is Us before season three starts, there’s at least three shows on Netflix I don’t even know about I probably want to watch, the Red Sox are good, so they’re on either ESPN or the MLB network at least once a week and I still need to get caught up on Succession. All that takes a back seat though, thanks to Mondays and Tuesdays being occupied by Bachelor in Paradise.

But you know, on the other hand, things are madness in the world right now, so the manufactured madness down in Paradise is actually a welcome reprieve from everything. Take last night for example. For two hours I was able to block out everything Trump-related and mindlessly watch Jordan spout entertaining nonsense. What is the point of television if it’s not mindless escapism?

So let’s just say we’re cool with four hours of Bachelor in Paradise and take stock of where things are at what may or may not be the halfway point of yet another fantastic season.

Jordan is the clear favorite for MVP of the season

I don’t think it’s even close. Who would be his competition? The stuffed dog he threw in the ocean? Yeah, no one is coming close to him and barring a massive dip in production or someone rising up to challenge him, the award is his. This is Jordan’s time to shine. He wasn’t made for The Bachelorette, but on Paradise, he’s thriving. Thriving! He talks endlessly. He gives advice to anyone who may or may not be in need of it, even though maybe he shouldn’t be giving advice. He criticizes people’s fashion in a way that really isn’t dickish. He really is perfect for this show. I mean, I don’t really want him to end up with anyone, but I like having him around. I was all in on the Jordan/Jenna relationship, but the whole throwing the stuffed dog in the ocean episode really left a bad taste in my mouth and I kind of like Benoit.

Will Jordan be around much longer? Eh, who the hell knows. But the MVP award is his to lose.

Jenna is this season’s breakout star

Jenna was on Arie’s season. Okay. I have mostly blocked that season out of my memory. It’s dead to me. Well, for the most part. As with any terrible memory, fragments stick with you. But how is Jenna not one of those fragments? I don’t remember her from that season at all. Good lord she is a good looking lady. My Darling Wife said she could be a 1950’s pin-up model and God love her, she’s not wrong (she never is…and no, I’m not saying this as a way to provide cover for having just called Jenna a good looking lady. Well, maybe I am a little. Whatever.) It’s not just Jenna’s looks that have lifted her up this season; she is delightful. Absolutely delightful. That lady is always smiling, is an entertaining interview and has me wanting to know more about her. Who is she in real life? Where is she from? What does she do? I feel like we usually know more about these folks once they wash up on Paradise’s shores, but Jenna is a mystery to me. Who knows, maybe she is an alien? #spaceforce

Colton and Tia need to go home

Great. They are officially a couple now. Tia is wearing Colton’s letter jacket, Colton is carrying her tray at lunch time and everything is purely wonderful for these two. Super.

Now go home. I’m not here to watch two people date. No! I’m here to watch Jordan throw stuffed animals in the ocean and to hate every single thing about Chris. If I wanted to watch two people date, I’d go to restaurants, carve eye holes into menus and hope I don’t get arrested for being creepy.

With that being said, they are totally going to try and break them up, aren’t they?

Great. Can’t wait.

Spoiler: I can wait. Forever if need be.

Leo’s heel turn is coming and I’m not ready for it

Leo was one of the unsung heroes of Becca’s season, trying his best to save what was ultimately a flaming dud of a season. He gave good takes, provided good commentary, made for a good dude among a season of questionable fellas. It was hard not to like Leo and even though we knew Becca was never going to pick him, it was fun pretending she might.

So it was only natural that Leo’s arrival in Paradise was a welcome sight. However, that joy felt was somewhat short-lived. Very quickly Leo started wading into murky waters. First, he took Kendall on a date, potentially ruining her blossoming relationship with Grocery Store Joe. Of course, during that date you got that feeling that Leo and Kendall were a much better match than Kendall and GSJ. Kendall definitely felt that way. We thought Leo felt that way too, but after the date he ended up smoochin’ it up with Chelsea. Hold your disgust though. This is Paradise. This is how things go. Or sometimes goes. I think it depends on who is involved.

Either way, the ground work had been laid. The show was going to mess with our loyalty to Leo and subsequently test that loyalty. Next week it looks like the smooching continues and on top of it, it looks like he goes at GSJ, which is a definite no no. When two fan favorites clash, no one wins. NO ONE!

This will not end well.

The show is wasting the Wells/Yuki combo

We’ll first start with a positive and say that starting shows with a Wells/Yuki hosted recap is great. I like it a lot. Wells is incredibly charismatic and should be hosting his own television show at some point soon or this country really is going down the shitter. And Yuki is totally game for whatever, thus making the two of them a heck of a dynamic duo.

However, that’s really all we get from Wells and Yuki. Wells is around more than she is, providing the occasional sympathetic ear, but where’s Yuki? How are they not using them more? I think in show breaks where the two of them provide in-game commentary would be a welcome change to the show’s format, which by now has become kind of stale and predictable. I’m not saying they need to be akin to sideline reporters, but more like in football, when at the start of the quarter or during periodic breaks in play, they go to the booth, where the announcers give a quick update on the game and a breakdown of where things stand. Think about Chris Harrison. Think about it at least a little. It’s not like you’re doing anything else down there.

Categories: Bachelor Nation, Television

Tags: Bachelor in Paradise, Bachelor Nation