Let’s get two things out of the way before we start.
First, this week’s episode was the first meh episode of the season. It wasn’t terrible or anything, just not as good as the other episodes have been.
Second, the ending was not cool. But I’ll get to that in a bit.
On to the rankings.
Giddy Up America’s Game of Thrones’ Power Rankings: Week Six
1. Keeping Up With King’s Landing
This week Cersei gets points added for reminding us that she’s the Wu Tang Clan of Westeros (i.e. nothing to eff with) but she gets points deducted for doing a fair at best imitation of her late dad Tywin. Tywin owned the sit behind the desk and run shit move. Cersei looked like a little kid playing dress up. But because it’s Cersei she’s not just any kid, she’s a vengeful, spoiled brat and also like Wu Tang, vengeful spoiled brats are not to be trifled with. If anything, you kind of have to give Cersei some credit for how quickly she dispatched the Tyrells. Loras was easy, Margaery was a total bonus. And talk about an about face by the High Sparrow. He seems to have settled into his role as the leader of the Faith Militant quite well as he handled that little courtroom scene like a total boss. You have to wonder though, will dear Cersei be able to keep him and his army of zealots in check? It’s not like she’s been living the cleanest and holiest of lives. I’d watch your back Cersei. I mean, if shit gets real it’s not like Tommen is going to be any help. Damn it Tommen! They’re taking your woman away and you just sit there? Come on man. You’re the flippin’ king! At least act the part. Poor form, sir. Poor form.
But hey, nice to have Granny Tyrell back in the mix.
2. Jaime & Bronn’s Excellent Adventure
Typical dudes weekend- completely void of any logical planning. You know how nearly every bachelor party weekend you go to is super cool except that someone enviably forgot something important, whether it be hot dog buns, solo cups, sunscreen or God forbid, money for the rental house? That was Jaime and Bronn’s Dornish adventure this week- an exercise in terrible planning. Actually calling it planning is an insult to planning. And terrible.
Dudes, come on. Rescue Mission: 101 specifically states that a rescue mission takes place at night. Everyone knows that! Everyone! Well everyone except Jaime and Bronn who chose to conduct their rescue mission under the discreet cover of broad daylight. Good work dudes. And now you’re busted, en route to a Dornish slammer.
And so are maybe the Sand Snakes, which is kind of anti-climactic seeing as how they were the big new additions to this season. Get your act together Sand Snakes! You looked like adorable Ninja Turtles for crying out loud.
3. The One About How Sansa’s Life Pretty Much Sucks
I mean, it was terrible, but also and unfortunately, not that surprising when you know, that thing happened. Ramsey is a psycho. I don’t know any psychos personally but if you were to ask what a psycho might choose to do on his (or hers…eff you gender roles) wedding night, I’d say probably something along the lines of what Ramsey did.
But enough about that. It was terrible. It was hard to watch. Dude it was even hard to watch Theon acting like it was hard to watch. So let’s move forward and wonder, what happens next here? Stannis is coming in hot, or luke warm more realistically, and down in King’s Landing, Littlefinger has found a way to make himself Warden of the North. How will Roose Bolton react to that turn of events? Will it flay his nerves? Get it? Because House Bolton flays people? Okay, every joke can’t be a winner.
Will the treatment of Sansa finally snap Theon out of his Stockholm syndrome? You would think it would. All he has to do is pull Sansa aside and be like, real talk, I totes didn’t kill your bros. Then all would maybe…maybe?…be forgiven. You would think that given the amount of time we’ve spent on Theon, he has to be at least somewhat important to the bigger story. Please? Please Game of Thrones‘ producers, please tell me it was all worth it.
4. Over in Essos: The Tyrion Chronicles
We’ll make this quick. Once again Tyrion’s ability to talk the talk gets him out of pickle and in this particular instance, saves his pickle. Only bummer is for our man Jorah, who looks to be headed for the Fighting Pits. Well, we can’t all be winners. Good luck Jorah.
5. Over in Essos: It’s Arya Time!
Let me just say this- I’m a little worried about this one, if only because it’s flirting with Bran’s Vision Quest territory in that it’s slow going and vague. Also, and this is something I realized this week, I don’t want Arya to become a Faceless mMan. I want Arya to be Arya and if she becomes a slightly more bad ass version of Arya, even better. Contrary to that, I don’t want Arya to stop being Arya, which seems to be the vibe I’m picking up in regards to how things work in the House of Black and White. Why didn’t I think of this before? Of course to become a Faceless Man Arya would have to cease to be Arya. I feel like a damn fool now.
Making a prediction though, Arya comes this close to going full faceless and then realizes that she can’t let go of who she is and what she feels she needs to do. So she bounces, heads back to Westeros and…and…well then I’m not to sure. Save Sansa hopefully.
Categories: Game of Thrones, Power Rankings, Television
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