Let’s Talk A Little More About True Blood

By Ryan O'Connell on 07/09/2013 • ( 2 )

Can I point something out?

Of course.

This week, right before making out with Jess from Friday Night Lights…

…which was totally predictable.

Totally. So right before that happened and the two of them were having this tender moment in the hotel room, Sam was like, I still see Luna dying in my arms- or something like that. Can I just point out that Luna died like, three days ago. Of course he can still her!

Yeah that’s a good point.

I’m starting to think the entire series of True Blood has taken place over maybe a month or two.

Yeah they don’t mess around with things like time jumps or anything.

Not at all. I kind of like it. I think it’d lose some of it’s “intensity” if it dragged things out more.

So let’s talk about this week.

Let’s.

For starters, apparently Ben is both Warlow and British.

He’s an in-betweener, a fairy and a vampire. This show is really starting to get unbelievable. But is Ben really Warlow?

Yeah. He said as much right before he threw Great Grandpa Stackhouse into that portal on the bridge. They talked about back in the day. And…wait now…wouldn’t Great Grandpa Stackhouse have recognized Warlow? He has been chasing him for a shit ton of years.

Maybe Warlow is a shifter too.

Essentially a True Blood three-sport athlete.

Yeah. Take that Bo Jackson.

Okay so I think more about Ben/Warlow will come out later. Let’s talk about the werewolves.

I don’t want to. Their boring. And obnoxious.

I agree.

Tara would have been a better werewolf than a vampire. She’d fit right in.

Alcide, still kind of a douche.

He’s a borderline total douche now.

And what’s with his girlfriend? She’s hot but what the hell…what is she all fired up about?

I think she’s worried that if the authorities come for Emma, werewolves will get outed and then the government and all the people hating on vampires will be hating on them next.

That makes sense.

But she could chill out a bit.

Just a bit.

They killed all of Jess from Friday Night Lights’ friends.

What is her character’s name?

No clue. She’ll always be Jess to me.

Me too.

So Sam is hiding Emma for the same reason I guess.

I guess.

Ok. Moving on. Are Sheriff Andy’s daughters dead?

It definitely looked like it. Unless Bill brings them back to life.

Because Bill’s a god.

Yeah and he can do stuff like that.

Bill wants their blood so he can mass-produce it. That’s what the scientist is working on the basement.

Yes. But he’s not having any luck because fairy blood is all kinds of crazy.

Is Warlow really after Sookie?

I don’t know. I thought so. But A) wouldn’t he have killed her already? and B) Eric’s sister is hunting Warlow because she’s worried that Warlow’s true mission is to lead all the vampires into the sunlight and subsequently to their death.

He is part fairy.

But why all the lead up about him coming after Sookie?

Maybe she’ll help him.

I don’t know. If his true goal is to kill vampires and not Sookie, then that’s quite the mis-direction play.

Speaking of mis-direction plays, I didn’t see Eric turning the Governor’s daughter into a vampire and then directing her to go home. I mean, I wasn’t all that surprised he turned her, but I thought he’d have her stick around and add her to his Hot Lady Stable. But it seemed like kind of a dick move.

I agree.

Although now we’ll probably get some scenes at this camp the Governor keeps talking about.

Pam’s there.

Yeah. So that means it’s only a matter of time before Tara does something stupid.

Is Tara the most annoying character on television?

She’s definitely top 10.

So where does the show go from here? What’s next?

Bill brings the fairies back to life, then finds a way to mass produce their blood. Someone dies at the Governor’s camp. Jason keeps being awesome. The werewolves keep being annoying and in the end, someone kills the Governor. Probably Eric.

Photos: HBO