Hello or Goodbye: Part Two

By Ryan O'Connell on 03/19/2014 • ( 2 )

Photo: The Eternal Solitude of a Restless Mind

To read part one, go HERE.

There is a brief, uncomfortable silence between the two of them. KATHLEEN gets up and does a couple of laps around the couch for something to do. She then plops back down on the couch.

KATHLEEN

Do you ever just stop what you’re doing and look in the mirror? I mean, like really look into a mirror.

ROY

What do you mean by “really look?”

KATHLEEN

Just, stop what you’re doing, press pause on your life and just look into a mirror. Examine your face, goof off like some model in a magazine, play the air guitar, picture yourself as an older version of you. Do you ever do that?

ROY
(ignorantly)

No.

KATHLEEN

I do. I do it pretty much every time I’m alone and near a mirror. I don’t know why, it’s just fun. I can lose myself in a good mirror for hours.

ROY

Like a book?

KATHLEEN

Exactly like a book! See, we’re approaching the same wavelength Roy. We’re converging!

ROY

You’re a weirdo. No offense or anything. You just confuse me a little.

KATHLEEN
(interested)

How do I confuse you?

ROY

I’m a pretty normal guy. I’m used to being surrounded by equally normal people. You’re just not that normal.

KATHLEEN

You want me to leave?

ROY

No! (tries to hide his desire for her to stay) No. I like the fact that you are slightly askew. There’s very few of you in the world.

KATHLEEN

And I think you’re one of them.

ROY

I’m as normal and bland as they come!

KATHLEEN

Says you. You’re just as weird as I am, says I. (she starts laughing)

ROY

Why are you laughing?

KATHLEEN
(still laughing)

You think that just because you are “normal,” that makes you “normal?” No way Jose.

ROY

Wait a minute, being normal is not normal?

KATHLEEN

Exactly. It’s just like Alternative Music. There’s nothing alternative about Alternative Music. It was alternative at first, but then it became mainstream. And when it became mainstream, the music moguls who feel the need to label every damn thing out there decided to call it Alternative, even though it wasn’t even the alternative anymore, it was the mainstream. So, basically Alternative Music is mainstream and what was once mainstream in now alternative.

ROY

Regardless, I still consider myself a regular, normal guy.

KATHLEEN

Consider yourself a circus elephant for all I care! You’re weird. I know my own.

ROY
(uncontested)

Ok, I’m a weirdo.

KATHLEEN

Now you’re normal!

ROY
(frustrated)

I give up! You’re not weird, you’re insane. What, are you out on leave from the asylum?

KATHLEEN
(grows solemn)

That was a tad bit harsh Roy. Insane is a strong word that is used in society far too loosely.

ROY
(sheepishly)

I’m sorry. You’re not insane. You just confused me and you were just spouting out a bunch of nonsense, that gets to me after a while. I like things clear-cut and minus the confusion.

KATHLEEN
(back to normal)

Well, whoever put us together really went out on a limb. We don’t match at all.

ROY

The “whoever?”

KATHLEEN

The man at the controls. Everything that happens is pre-determined. Nothing is spontaneous. When we are born, we start down the path of our life. A path in which every rock we encounter or turn we take is already mapped out.

ROY

I don’t agree with that at all. Fate is not something pre-determined. It’s fate! Fate is like the flip of a coin, all about chance. If fate were mapped out, why would people bother to try in life?

KATHLEEN

Because the trying is all part of it.

ROY

The trying is none of it by your theory. If fate were pre-determined then no one would have to do a damn thing because everything they did in their life was supposed to happen. There’d be no real rewards for our accomplishments, it’d all just be routine.

KATHLEEN

You’re not a fan of routine?

ROY

No, I’m not a fan of routine.

KATHLEEN

Good. Then you’re not normal.

ROY

Not this again.

KATHLEEN

If you were who you say you were, just a normal, average Joe, then you would bathe in routine. That’s the biggest thing about being normal, worshipping routine.

ROY

Just because I don’t support routine doesn’t mean that I am not normal.

KATHLEEN

Why are you striving so hard to proclaim that you are normal? Why would anyone strive as hard as you to boast that they’re normal?

ROY

I’m not boasting that I’m normal! I just accept the fact that I am normal, nothing more or less. And please, can you do me a favor? Stop twisting every thing I say. It’s annoying.

KATHLEEN

I’m just helping you discover who you really are.

ROY

I just met you! It’s not your place to help me out discovering who I am. That’s up to me. I’ve discovered who I am, it’s not that hard. I’m Roy. Anything other than that is not Roy. Can you understand that? I’m here at this point in the world to contemplate taking my life. The last thing I need right now injected into my head is who I really am. Damn it…can we just please…please talk about something else?

KATHLEEN
(with concern)

Some people worry me Roy. You worry me.

ROY

Why the hell do I worry you?

KATHLEEN

Well for starters you’re taking about killing yourself! And yes, that kind of worries me. But I’m also worried because you have no clue, no clue whatsoever about who you are. You’re just sliding through life along the easiest road possible. That’s not how a person should live, Roy. You know what happens to people who live like that? They come to a certain point in the world and they contemplate TAKING THEIR LIVES! What’s the point in ending a life that has yet to be lived! (in an attempt to regroup she pauses) To hell with you Roy. I tried to help you out, get you out of that rut you’re buried in. But no…I couldn’t. Because I can’t do it alone. You need to help out a little too. And by you showing me that you have no desire to help yourself makes me sick! (in disgust, yet in remorse, she pauses) I don’t think I want to be in your company anymore Roy. Have a nice time. And do the world a favor. Take your damn life, because you’re taking up room for someone who’s just waiting for a chance to live in this world.

KATHLEEN storms off stage. The lights go out and then come back.

ROY just sits on the couch, speechless. He remains there for a couple of moments, then he lies down on the couch. After a few moments lying down, he sits up.

ROY

For the first time that I can remember, I’m speechless. I can’t think of anything to say. How are you supposed to respond to something like that? I can’t think of a way! My mind is racing right now. Yet at the same time, there’s not a damn thing up there. Nothing of any importance. (he stands up) I’m somewhat hoping that she’ll come back. Our relationship is pretty unanswered right now. Even though she was driving me insane…I mean, nuts, I still kind of liked having her around. (he sits back down.) When I was younger, I’d look in a mirror. Really look. When I was younger, though. (brief pause) Damn it!

He stands up.

ROY

It’s like, the more I think about it and rerun it through my mind, the more it burns. I’m a dweller…a regretter. Both of which just don’t go well with each other. I’ve just…gotten use to regretting. (brief pause.) I am currently…an unemployed pencil pusher. (brief pause) I wanted to be famous. I know a lot of people say that they want to be famous, but I wanted to be famous. One day I wanted to be rock n roller. The next day I wanted to be a big Hollywood actor. A writer would pop in and out every once in a while too. I just couldn’t see myself doing anything nine to five. I wanted to be creative and have some sort of impact on society. (brief pause.) It didn’t help that people would tell me stuff like, ‘You’re going to be famous.’ It’d make me start thinking. That’s when I’m my most dangerous (with disgust) when I start thinking. I don’t just think, I think. Not just about the present, or the past. But I think about the future. What might happen if this happens if that were to happen, and so on. It’s like I’m trying to plan out the future in my head. And it almost never works out. And that leads (pause) to disappointment. (brief pause.) Am I alone in saying that God really had something up his ass when he created disappointment? I can understand a lot of the human emotions, but that one just throws me off a little. And it’s a lingering emotion too, not just a fast food emotion. Disappointment sticks with you the same way that the taste of milk does when you drink some before you go to bed. You know how that sour taste of milk just kind of sits on top of your tongue until the next morning? Disappointment…milk before bed.

He kicks the ground some out of boredom and looks around. He then crashes onto the couch.

ROY

Man, I love chocolate milk. I’d take chocolate milk over regular milk any day of the week. (brief pause.) Hopefully she’ll come back. I guess…I guess I kind of want to apologize. I’m not really sure for what…but I feel like I should. (brief pause.) Yeah, I’ll apologize. When you’re not really sure why you should do something is when you know that you should really do it.

Brief pause. He looks up and then back down.

ROY

I wonder what her friend is like? Hopefully not as weird as her. (brief pause.) Weirder! (brief pause.) Being normal is being weird. If I think about it enough, it somewhat makes sense. But then again, if you think about anything enough it’ll eventually make sense. That’s my problem, I just think too goddamned much. I examine everything way more than it should be examined. Damn it!

The lights go out, and the come back up.

After a long pause, KATHLEEN enters and takes a seat at the other end of the couch. She is silent and is looking straight ahead. Roy notices this and starts to feel uncomfortable. He makes a half-hearted attempt to break the “ice.”

ROY

So, where’d you run off too?

No answer.

ROY

Really? How far away is that?

No answer.

ROY

How long are you going to be giving me the silent treatment? Am I going to be here all day trying to get you to talk to me?

No answer.

ROY

So now you’ve come back…and you’re speechless. I considered you many things Kathleen, and speechless was not one of them.

No answer.

ROY

Are you going to fucking talk to me! You blow up at me, tell me that I’d be better off killing myself, and then storm out of here. I’d expect you to at least say something when you returned. If only just a simple, “fuck you Roy, you’re not worth it.” This silent treatment is ridiculous and frankly, it’s pissing me off.

KATHLEEN

Pissing you off?

ROY
(as a declaration)

Pissing me off!

KATHLEEN

You’re saying that…I’m pissing you off right now?

ROY

Yes! You are pissing me off, and I don’t feel I deserve it.

KATHLEEN

Why don’t you deserve it?

ROY

You told me that I’d be better off killing myself! I think after a statement like that, you’d be somewhat nice to me.

KATHLEEN

You think you deserve some sort of warmth or compassion? Well you know what, sunshine?

ROY

What?

KATHLEEN

You deserve a slap in the face a lot sooner than you deserve anything else.

ROY

Jesus Christ! You are just not worth it.

KATHLEEN

Is the TRUTH not what you were looking for? Would you like, the “Edited for Roy” version instead? (gently) I’m sorry Roy but I was just way too harsh to you. I feel that by lashing out at you, I’ve become less of a person and it is tearing me apart inside. Really it is, Roy. I’m distraught. A real mess inside. Will you ever be able to forgive me Roy? Please?( back to normal)I’m sorry Roy, I tried to worry about you, I really did. But you just weren’t that receptive. I’ve got other things to worry about Roy. Other people to save. You’re just a number on the list. That’s it, just a number. It’s time for me to move on. It was nice meeting you, Roy. Maybe I’ll see you around, maybe I won’t. Life is just one big highway, complete with on and off ramps. We’re bound to take the same off ramp at some point in the future. Until then, it’s been…an experience.

KATHLEEN gets up to leave.

ROY

Wait!

KATHLEEN stops, and turns towards ROY.

KATHLEEN

I said my goodbye. That means that it’s come to an end.

ROY

It’s not over, I’m not letting it be over.

KATHLEEN

You don’t say things like that to people like me. It’s either two things; hello or goodbye. Hello starts the journey and goodbye ends it. It’s that simple. I said goodbye. That means it’s over. You have no say in this matter.

ROY

I’m a part of this too, I have a say.

KATHLEEN

A part of what, Roy? Do you even know what you are involved in?

ROY

Do I know what I am involved in? What the hell does that mean?

KATHLEEN

The world revolves around many people. Only a handful of them actually know what’s going on, the rest just follow along like sheep. Sheep going to slaughter. What I’m saying is that of course you don’t know what it means. And I doubt you ever will.

ROY

When did you become this Higher Power? Preaching all of this nonsense like it’s coming straight out of your ass.

KATHLEEN turns to leave.

ROY

Don’t leave!

KATHLEEN stops. She doesn’t turn though.

Pause.

ROY
(reluctantly admitting)

Too many people have walked out of my life.

KATHLEEN turns to ROY.

ROY

I don’t want you on that list. I can’t have you on that list. For some reason, even though I have just met you, I can’t lose you. (pause) I’m not here to commit suicide. I’m here because I have no place else to go. I’ve given up on the human race and I just wanted to be alone. That’s why I told you that I was taking my life, so that you’d leave. Then I realized that of all the people in the world, you’re the last person I want to leave. There was something I saw in you from the very get go. A spark I saw when I first looked into your eyes. I’d have to be blind not to see it. I saw it though. Yet for some reason, I didn’t want to see it. I wanted to completely ignore it and just block you off. I wanted you to keep on moving. To just leave. Yet at the same time, if you turned and left, then I would have contemplated taking my life.

KATHLEEN

I…

ROY

I don’t want to commit suicide. I don’t want to die. I’m just not sure if I want to live. Does that make any sense?

KATHLEEN

I don’t know Roy.

ROY

I think I’m too timid to kill myself. I can fool myself into thinking I’m considering it, but I’m realist. I just don’t think I could do it. I mean that…well, I wouldn’t want to commit suicide. I’d just want to try. I’d want to do it, but somehow be found before I actually die. I want to see how people would react, hear what’d they say. I’d want people to come visit me in the hospital, look at my bandages. Ask me to take them off so they can see the scars and ask me why I did it. Why’d I feel the need to commit such an act?

KATHLEEN

What would you say?

ROY

Probably nothing. I’d probably just look at them, let them try and figure it out. So much more can happen if you don’t say anything. You know, “sit quietly, doing nothing. Spring comes, and the grass grows by itself.”

KATHLEEN

I’ve heard that before.

ROY

Might be Japanese.

KATHLEEN

Might be. So you wouldn’t say anything? You’d what, slit your wrists, only to see what people thought?

ROY

I guess. I’d write a note.

KATHLEEN

That almost seems…egotistical.

ROY

What?

KATHLEEN

It seems like you’re taking the basic human nature of wanting to know what others think of yourself to the next level. Trying to kill yourself just to hear what people would say about you, what they thought. That’s just…that’s just sad. Sad because you’d have to go to those lengths. Why can’t you just ask these people what they thought of you?

ROY

What people?

KATHLEEN

The people who’d visit you in the hospital.

ROY

Oh. Well because, I don’t know who they are. Who they would be.

KATHLEEN

They’d be your friends. And your family. People you know.

ROY

My family yes. But friends…I’m not sure they’d even come.

KATHLEEN

Then who are you doing this for?

ROY

I don’t know.

KATHLEEN

You must.

ROY

I don’t though! I guess I just figured it would like, the random people. The people I just knew. People I worked with. People I was in Middle Eastern history class with. My sixth grade teacher. The fucking mailman, I don’t know. People.

KATHLEEN

People? People that you don’t even know. People that really, you shouldn’t even care what they think about you. Cause the people you just rattled off don’t really matter. Not in the grand scheme of things. It just, I can’t even fathom that’d you go to such great lengths as to try and kill yourself, to take a razor blade to your wrist just so that you’re fucking mailman could visit you in the hospital. That is perhaps one of the stupidest things I have ever heard in my life.

ROY

Damn it! Stop criticizing me for one second!

KATHLEEN

Why should I? You’re talking nonsense.

ROY

This is serious stuff. This is stuff I’ve thought about, a lot. And considered. I’m telling you, I don’t even know you, this personal stuff I haven’t told anybody and you make light of it. Shouldn’t you be consoling me or steering me in a different direction?

KATHLEEN

We’ve lost our direction Roy. We’re completely lost. Think about it, just when did we lose sight of our direction and start heading off into some other obscure…askew direction?

ROY

I don’t know. Probably around the time when you said that I should go ahead and kill myself.

KATHLEEN

Probably.

ROY

Did you seriously mean that?

KATHLEEN

I don’t “seriously mean” anything I say, Roy. Life goes down easier when you don’t take it all that seriously.

ROY

Isn’t that somewhat of a…flimsy lifestyle? We all like to have our laughs, but usually you have to buckle down and earn it first.

KATHLEEN
(proudly)

I’ve never held a job type job in my life. Never wanted too, never had too.