Royal Blood, a two-man wrecking crew of a band from England, release their third album Typhoons on Friday. It’s been more than a minute since the band had released an album, with their last one, How Did We Get So Dark? having been released back in 2017. I’ve been in on Royal Blood since I first got into them in 2015 and maintain staunchly that it’s a band like Royal Blood and not Greta Van Fleet that is the future of rock ‘n roll.
Based on the singles released in the weeks leading up to the release of Typhoons, the band is still thumping and grinding. They’re down and dirty at times and high and soaring at times. Yet the new songs hint at maturation in the band’s songwriting as well as a development of their sound. There is also the inevitable thing that always happens with two-person bands- the addition of other instruments. Ask The Black Keys, the White Stripes, and others. The minimalist thing is great but it has a shelf life.
Thankfully though, despite these changes, Royal Blood seems to have stayed the course, especially with a song like “Boilermaker,” which hums with the kind of gritty swagger the band has become known for.
Royal Blood is one of those bands whose music makes me want to do things when I listen to them. Yes, things. Specifically, Royal Blood’s music makes me want to do things I might not be capable of or under normal circumstances, flat out unwilling to do. Their music gets my motor running, my gusto gusto’d, my up riled, my juices flowing.
With that being said, here is a list of things the music of Royal Blood makes me want to do, listed in no particular order.
Optional musical accompaniment can be found HERE.
Stuff with Cars:
- Get in a high-speed car chase
- Go speeding towards a bridge in the middle of it being drawn and jump that son of a bitch (think this, but cooler)
- Do donuts, but filmed in slow-motion
- Go flying over a hill in San Francisco at full speed
- Drive over something in a large truck
- Flip over in a car, the car lands upside down, I get out unscathed and as I walk away, the car burst into flames, but don’t worry I’m fine
- Speed away from a building as it explodes
Stuff Involving Alcohol:
- Get in a bar fight
- Get in a MASSIVE bar fight
- Throw someone through the front window of a dive bar
- Toss someone over a bar
- Do that thing where you drag someone down the top of a bar, knocking over bottles and glasses as you go
- Round-house kick someone
- Play a Royal Blood song on a small stage in a dingy ass dive bar where the audience is two feet from the singer’s face
- Do shots of Yager
- Regret doing shots of Yager
- Do more shots of Yager
- Shoot pool…but like significantly better than I actually shoot pool
- Hustle someone with my pool-playing ability (which in this fictional scenario is better than in real life)
- Be called out for hustling someone, then smash a bottle over their head and say something cool like, hate to break it to you, buddy, but you’ve been gotten got (Actually, ideally I might say something cooler than that)
- Run off a cliff and jump into a helicopter that is waiting for me Tom Cruise style
- Jump off a cliff, fall 50 feet into a body of water…it’s cool, there are no rocks around
- Ride a dirt bike in a non-dirt bike-friendly setting
- Sky-dive without a parachute
- Jump from the roof of one super tall building to another super tall building
- Run away from a pissed off lion
- Punch a bear in the face
- Eat a whole thing of Ben & Jerry’s
And You Know, Random Stuff:
- Blow a set of speakers listening to “Hook, Line & Sinker“
- Use a drill
- Use a sledgehammer
- Use a drill and a sledgehammer at the same time
- Spit a fireball
- Draw dragons
- Cut down a few trees
- Bake cookies
And you know, if I think about it, I could go on and on but this seems like a good start.
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