Stop me if you’ve heard this one before, but winter is coming y’all! After a long year away from our dear friends in Westeros…and Essos…and north of the wall…Game of Thrones is back.
By now you’ve probably seen at least one of the trailers, which in all honesty is really all you need to see. Because, and side tangent here, I’m on to these studios and the like, with all of their “new trailers” that are released and run rough shot across the Internet with the fire of a thousand suns. It’s baloney. Every new trailer really only features maybe five seconds of something new- that’s it. All of these Avengers trailers and the difference between each is maybe an additional line by Tony Stark or an extra snippet from an Ultron monologue. It’s a crock. It’s a scam. It’s a something or other that gets me every time.
But back to Game of Thrones- when last season ended Tywin was dead, Tyrion was on the run, the Wildlings were temporarily held off by Jon Snow with assistance from Stannis and Danys was chilling out east, locking down her dragons and locking out poor Jorah. Sansa is shacked up with Littlefinger, Arya kicked the Hound to the curb and peaced out to Braavos and King Tommen officially knighted Ser Pounce.*
Let’s take a look and make some projections for season five.
Key Addition(s): The Sand Snakes
Huh? Who are the Sand Snakes? These are the Sand Snakes:
The Sand Snakes are the illegitimate daughters of last season’s key addition, Prince Oberyn. Remember him? Dornish, lover of all sexes, got his head crushed in. Well his daughters are essentially the Wu Tang Clan of Westeros in that they are most certainly nothing to eff with. And that was before their dad got sent home in a UPS box. Dorne is already slated to be a new location featured this season, so you have to imagine these wild cats will play some sort of key role in what happens this season, especially in matters pertaining to the Lannisters.
Key Subtraction(s): Tywin Lannister, Bran Stark
The old lion was literally caught with his pants down by Tyrion, who murdered him for reasons that aren’t exactly clear, but probably have something to do with ragging on him for his entire life, all but disowning him, putting him through a sham trial, signing off on his execution, turning his lady against him and then boinking said lady. Season four was not a good season for the Lannisters, the Kardashians of Westeros. Joffrey was killed, Cersei spurned Jaime, Jaime tried to cope with having one hand, Tommen had night terrors about premature ejaculation and finally, the families poppa bear was killed on the shitter. A family descending into chaos and struggling to maintain control of the Seven Kingdoms is at even more of a disadvantage now. With Tywin dead, the system of checks and balances that governed Cersei are all but gone, Tommen is left to his own devices and Tyrion is on the run for the killing of not one, but two family members. It goes without saying that Christmas is going to be a little icy back at Casterly Rock this year.
As for Bran, he’s not in this season which I am 100% cool with. Makes sense. No teenage boy really wants to be seen in public while in the midst of puberty.
Player to Watch: Arya Stark
Arya was on a boat, headed to Braavos at the end of last season, to link up with Jaqen and the other faceless assassins of Braavos. Suddenly Braavos is becoming a hot bed, what with Tyrion being there and Daenerys out in the suburbs. You could easily make the case that Arya has been the show’s wild card since season one when Ned got his head lopped off and I for one wouldn’t argue with you. But now that she’s out of pocket and in the wind, I’d say guessing her future is anyone’s guess.
Breakout Player: Sansa Stark
Sansa hasn’t gone full Stella, as she never had a groove that she has since gotten back, but she’s definitely more empowered than she’s ever been thanks in large part to ol’ Uncle Littlefinger and his scheming. Sansa has needed to bolt King’s Landing for a while now and thankfully she finally has. And she’s now chilling with probably the one person who can help her get her head right and see the world for what it is- a big pile of unjust donkey dung. Much like last season, when the Hound frequently would impart worldly wisdom to Arya, Sansa now has someone who can do the same with her. Those Stark kids are a good lot, but for crying out loud are they gullible and naive. They’re like private schools kid left to fend for themselves in the ghetto- clueless and woefully unprepared for the harsh realities of a less than ideal life. It’s as if you took Anthony Soprano Jr. away from his cushy, mob-financed life in North Jersey and tossed him in West Baltimore. He’d be toast in a day, maybe two at best. But thankfully what remains of the Stark family (not counting Bran who is boring and Rickon, who like Arya, is in the wind) have finally gotten themselves some appropriate mentors. I think Sansa is going to do some damage this season and I think it’s going to be fun as hell to watch.
The X-Factor(s): Dragons, White Walkers
These things have been x-factors since they were introduced and for the most part, little has changed since. The dragons are linked to Danys’ future conquests and the White Walkers are the creepy neighbors down the street that NO ONE wants to talk about. Eventually these two things are going to meet, but I don’t think it’ll be this season. But either way, both will have a say in the direction of this season.
Most Intriguing Storyline: The Potential of a Tyrion and Daenerys Tag Team
In one of the trailers released (one of 19 or so,) Varys and Tyrion are on a wonderfully picturesque balcony, shooting the shit when Varys says…
The Seven Kingdoms needs a ruler loved by millions, with a powerful army and the right family name.
To which Tyrion responds…
Good luck finding him.
Varys stands back and drops this bomb…
Who says anything about him.
Cue: bad ass shot of Daenerys
And then in yet another trailer, Tyrion is seen looking up as a dragon flies up over head. Oh and not to mention, there’s this poster.
The writing is on the wall here and the stage is all but set for the kind of who’d a thunk it alliance usually reserved for reality television.
Opposing GM’s take
It’d be nice if some of the stories and plot lines started to come together, if that happens, the show will definitely be a front runner to win the division…Cersei seems like a prime candidate to be let go at some point this season…Lot of people wondering how a team of Stannis and Jon Snow will work out, Jon isn’t known for being the best teammate out there, little too much of a know-it-all…Are we sure the Hound is dead…The show will definitely suffer some if Bronn is out of the picture…The general consensus is that Tommen isn’t ready to rule…You have to think Margarey Tyrell is going to be up to something this season, she’s been mostly an off the bench player this whole time and I think if they don’t increase her role, they’ll lose her.
Juiciest Off Field Story Line: That Whole Jon Snow is a Targaryen thing
Last summer all of our collective heads exploded with the introduction of the R+L=J theory into our lives. The gist is that Jon Snow isn’t Ned Stark’s bastard son, but Ned’s sister Lyanna’s son and Jon’s dad is Rhaegar Targaryen, whose kidnapping of Lyanna sparked the rebellion that eventually ended with Robert Baratheon in power. While in captivity, Rhaegar put a bun in Lyanna’s oven, the bun being Jon. However Lyanna died during childbirth, but not before making her painfully loyal brother Ned agree to take care of Jon and raise him as his own. Hence Jon being Ned’s bastard. But Ned’s not the cheatin’ type, which lends credence to this theory. So the bottom line is that Daenerys is Jon’s aunt and Jon Snow is a Targaryen. Is this true? Who the hell knows. But it’s cool as hell to think about. Just like this theory is.
Does this theory come into play this season? I sincerely doubt it. We’ll be lucky if Danys reaches Kings Landing this season, let alone the Wall. But all along I’ve felt that Game of Thrones comes down to Jon and Danys, so for me, this blog and my dog Lucy, this theory makes perfect sense. Where it could pop up this season is possibly during Tyrion and Danys pow wows. But we’ll see.
Best Case Scenario for Season Five is…
Some of the 5,346 plots start to come together and some of the major characters start to intersect.
Worst Case Scenario for Season Five is…
None of the 5,346 plots start to come together and none of the major characters start to intersect.
One Bold Prediction for Season Five Would Be…
Jon chooses Mance over Stannis when it comes time to pick sides at the Wall.
One Semi-Bold Prediction for Season Five Would Be…
Cersei becomes marginalized.
One Not at All Bold Prediction for Season Five Would Be…
More White Walkers.
Stay tuned for Giddy Up America’s Game of Thrones’ Plot Line Power Rankings throughout the season. You can catch up with previous season’s rankings HERE.